Hands off the handyman, sex not on the table

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/11/2018 (2543 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a wonderful handyman who came to do some work for me, and he was not wearing a ring. I’m divorced and don’t wear any rings myself. I assumed he was available and, to be frank, I was hitting on him.

Finally he said, “Look, lady, I’m not available to customers, present or former, for sex. I’m just here to work on your house. If you keep hinting about sex and trying to pour me drinks, I will pack up my tools and leave right now.”

I was so embarrassed, I said, “OK, I’m sorry, but you’d better pack up your tools.” His bill came and he said to leave him a cheque in my mailbox, so I did. He snuck in to get it in the dead of night. What did I do wrong? I thought single guys wanted sex all the time!

— What’s Going On? Osborne Village

Dear What: Turn that statement around. What if he had hit on you because he assumed a single or divorced woman needed sex all the time, from any guy? That’s absurd! You were sexually harassing this man while he was trying to do work for you. He was not your boyfriend; you had no romantic relationship going on at all. You were just plain hitting on him, you knew it, and he had the smarts and the guts to call you on it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My late-30s mother is dating up a storm with guys she hardly knows at these sleazy bars where she goes dancing. She’s obviously trying to get a rise out of my dad after she found out he was cheating on her. She left him right away, got a place on her own and took me with her.

When I told her yesterday to slow down and be careful because she could end up with a bad guy, she told me to mind my own business. I said, “I’m 16, you are my mother, so you’re automatically my business.” She told me to go live with my dad if I wasn’t happy. I know she didn’t mean it, because her voice broke and she said, “Then he will have everything.”

I’m not packing, but it’s very tense around here. I don’t want to live with Dad and his new girlfriend. Maybe Mom wants me gone so she can have men over here. Please help.

— Son of Nobody, Winnipeg

Dear Son of Nobody: Maybe you can help. Talk to your dad and mom about getting counselling for you and for them. Tell them the breakup and fighting is messing up your head, and if they ever want to see you married and with children of your own, something has to be fixed right now.

Don’t count on them getting back together or to be great pals — just ask for peace and the help of a counselling referee to find it. Family counselling could be helpful, where you could participate in different sessions with your folks.

Look up Winnipeg counselling services online, print off some options with phone numbers, and hand a copy to both of your parents. In your own handwriting, add to the bottom, “Please do this, so we can all have peace. That’s all I ask for now. With love.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend is full of surprises. I went over late last night at her request, and she was dressed for a bondage scene, with her as the dominant. Whoa! I’m not into this scene, and if I were, I wouldn’t be the submissive. I sat down and tried to make a joke: “So what do we do now? Call two more people? I’m not submissive, and neither are you.”

She sat down looking very tired and said, “I thought I’d give you a nice surprise.” Nothing nice about that surprise, in my opinion! Shouldn’t people talk about this before they show up in a costume, ready to go, and you’re the intended victim?

She said she didn’t tell me, in case I’d chicken out. I said, “Well, here I go. I’m chickening out.” I opened the door and went home. She phoned me later crying, saying she’s in love with me. A dominant, crying? I’m so mixed up now I don’t know what’s going on. I want to hear your call on this.

— Don’t Get it, Tuxedo

Dear Don’t Get It: You need to say goodbye to this lady, because you don’t share her BDSM interests at all. As for needing to talk before sexual action, you’re absolutely right. There should be a lot of talk and questions and agreement and exchanging of safe words and fantasies before people get into BDSM sex play.

Straight couples should also exchange personal preferences, likes and dislikes, what fantasies really turn them off and on, and their own personal boundaries, before making love.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography