Rekindle sex life via counselling

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/12/2018 (2508 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband suffers from arrested development in sex. Every Christmas he buys me a see-through black, purple or red outfit, which is for his enjoyment alone, not mine. He doesn’t wear anything sexy besides his black boxers. Big deal. So, last year as a payback joke, I bought him a knitted “peter heater” at a church bazaar of all places, and he actually wore it. Yuck!

How can I get through to him his sexual style needs to be more sophisticated if he wants me to be interested in him? Right now, I don’t even want to touch him.

— Totally Turned Off, North Kildonan

Dear Turned Off: In 2019, consider investing money into counselling — for you, first. Try to find a female relationship counsellor around your age. Talk openly about your own style of sexuality and what would turn you on — instead of this college-boy stuff.

Then, bring your husband in. Most guys are pretty good sports about trying new things. This guy of yours got beginner’s lessons from who knows where and needs to be educated about your sexual interests — trusting you have them. Have you even exchanged fantasies or bought books about sexual adventures?

Listen, you married this guy because you loved him, right? Then try to rekindle that love in a sexual way. A good counsellor can help you do that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m upset this Christmas because my family is all coming home for the wrong reason. I think they want to squeeze me into an old folks’ home so they won’t feel guilty about having moved to B.C.

They don’t want me to live alone and not be safe, but they don’t want me to move in with them, either. They want me in some safe, secure place where they can just forget about me. I know this because one of the grandchildren accidentally blabbed that his parents said this is “the last time we’re making the trip to Grandma’s house for Christmas.” He said they’re going to “change things so no one has to worry,” whatever that means.

I had my own business and worked hard all my life. I have a lot more money than my family is aware of, because I don’t want them waiting for me to die to get their inheritance. I’m not moving, and I don’t want to be pressured. Should I write them and tell them this ahead of Christmas? We’re having dinner at our family home. I’m having a giant turkey dinner catered so there’s no work involved for the relatives. Should I tell them that also?

— Feeling Upset and Unloved, Crescentwood

Dear Upset: Email them this information in the nicest way possible. Say you’ve heard from the grandkids that this is the last trip home for Christmas and that’s OK by you. Let them know you hope they really enjoy it. Bluntly say you won’t be moving to an old folks’ home any time soon, so don’t waste any time on the topic. Let them know it will be a “very special catered Christmas,” with very little work involved. Tell them next year you will be spending Christmas with friends or on holiday in a sunspot. Or maybe you’ll fly to B.C. for a three-day Christmas visit. Take control right now, so the whole family can breathe easy.

If you have worries about being in your house alone, you might want to arrange for a medical alert system such as Victoria Lifeline (victorialifeline.ca), as well as a GoSafe mobile alert for when you are out and about.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography