Self-improvement always a sound investment

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This article was published 06/02/2019 (2796 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my first husband the other day. I am on my third marriage, and it isn’t going that well.

My first husband was my best choice, but I was young and unwilling to do any of the work that needs to go into a marriage. He worked part time while studying for a medical career and has since become quite successful. I thought he was a bit boring, at the time.

He was with his wife and kids skating at The Forks and they looked like they were having a ball together. I said hello and he smiled and said, “Hope things are going better for you.” Note the word “you.” It was always about me, when he knew me, and I was always dissatisfied.

Husband No. 2 was a wild and crazy guy — never a dull moment — and he had other women within two years of our being married. That brings me to Husband No. 3, who is not perfect, but has a steady job. I am 32 and have no kids.

That brings me back to the “you” word. Is the problem actually about me? I’m counting on you for the straight goods. My parents always blame the husbands, and tell me I’m great.

— Not the Best Wife? River Heights

Dear Not The Best: You’re the greatest to your parents and they take your side in everything. Maybe they feel that’s their job — to prop you up. They may also feel a little guilty by now, for not helping you develop better judgment.

Sometimes parents need to say something like this about Husband No. 1: “Give your young man some time to graduate and start working in his field. Be patient and things will be good.” About Husband No. 2, they could have said: “This guy is fun and maybe you need a few months to kick up your heels, but he’s not the man to marry because he’s too much into partying. Don’t rush into marrying a man who is the opposite of the one you just divorced.”

Your parents were more like cheerleaders, when instead they should have been offering you constructive advice. Part of a parent’s job is to help their children learn how to face life’s challenges and make good decisions.

Now you must learn all this on your own. So, before you throw away Husband No. 3, who sounds like he might be more like No. 1, find a counsellor or psychologist and work on yourself. Money spent on self-improvement in a one-on-one situation is always a great investment.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend has what I call “funny ugly-bugly” knees and I like to tease him. They are so bony!

He hasn’t said much in return, but last time we were out at the track he said, “Your butt is all jiggly when you run!” I glared at him and he quickly added “But, uhhh, cute.”

That night I changed for bed in the bathroom. Knees are silly — a joke — but my bum is personal.

He tried to get out of it without apologizing because he said I’d been making fun of his knees for months.

I really need an apology, and for him to say he just made that up to get even.

He is silent on the subject and has not apologized.

— No Jiggly Butt, St. Vital

Dear Jiggly: Nobody should pick on their lover’s body. Each insult adds to their self-consciousness.

Damage control? Well, you started it with your remarks about your man’s knees. We know that teasing him was not harmless, as he bided his time until he could get even.

Start by apologizing about his knees, without expecting him to respond in kind. He will no doubt apologize for his “jiggly butt” insult, once your apology has soaked in. Then, no more insults, from either of you!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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