Slow down with work crush, and talk to a doctor, too

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/02/2019 (2462 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Working around the man I desire is very difficult. He doesn’t know I want him because I’m married and make no obvious moves — but I burn for him.

I must confess, I mentally undress him when he’s walking around the warehouse. He’s very macho, built like a warrior, tall with muscles, and he dresses in tight-fitting clothes. I can tell he works hard at looking good. I don’t know if he has a girlfriend because he doesn’t mention anyone at work.

I know he looks at me too, since I have started dressing up for work. My boss told me last week, “You don’t have to dress up for this office.” I just smile, and he looks embarrassed, like maybe I dress for him.

My warehouse crush comes into the office on any excuse, and today gave me his phone number in case my car ever breaks down on the way home. I took the paper with his number and kissed it in the bathroom. I know I’m being silly, but I feel like a teenager. Anyway, things seem to be heating up and we’re both noticing each other. 

My husband has no interest in me. All he cares about is sports. He only reaches for me on Saturday nights and we do it, just to keep the marriage together — maintenance sex. We have big boys almost out of the nest, and they’re both planning to go to Alberta to work for a few years.  

I don’t love my husband anymore and he doesn’t love me. He has cheated on me before, and no doubt other times when I haven’t caught him. Don’t even suggest counselling. I’ve done my time. My life is never peaceful. My heart is always beating too fast because I’m tense at work and at home. What should I do?

— All Tensed Up, Winnipeg 

Dear Tensed Up: First stop is your doctor’s office to see about your health — particularly your blood pressure and your heart. You are under stress 24/7 and aware of your heart beating quickly, so you need to get a handle on that, fast.

A good way to address a tense situation is to make a plan. The first thing you need to do is build up your savings. When you want to change your life, money can mean freedom and power. You might also want to set a specific deadline for leaving your marriage, maybe six months after the boys leave home. Making plans may help you accept the challenges of the next year more peacefully. 

As for the hottie crush at work, realize you could mess up your job situation by getting too cosy with him. Slow down. You need that job if you’re planning to leave your marriage.

And what is Mr. Wonderful’s personal situation? Is he even available? Is he straight, single, bi or other? Does he have a “significant other” in his life? Time to befriend this fellow, instead of just staring at him, so you’re no longer living in a total fantasy world.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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