Male flirt all talk and no action. What gives?

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This article was published 09/03/2019 (2435 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I tried something different. Three guys came to my first singles dinner party as guests, and three of my single female friends. I hosted with my best male buddy. He brought the guys from his team.

I have to admit I was floored by one of the guys the moment he walked in. He was so gorgeous, and I felt such a sexual attraction to him, I couldn’t concentrate on serving dinner! Everything came out of the kitchen and got plunked down kind of awkwardly because I kept staring at him. What a gorgeous hunk — athletic, funny, thick black hair, big brown eyes, long legs.

After dinner, when we were clearing things up to play a sexy board game, he and I both ended up in the kitchen together, and he said, “I saw you looking at me at dinner. Want to go out with me sometime this week?” Stunned, I said, “Uh, sure!” Then he handed me his business card, told me to call him and winked. I said I would, and tucked his card into my bra, looking straight into his eyes — a very bold move, for me.

The next week I called him several times and left messages, but got no answer. I found him on Facebook and messaged him. He apologized and said he had been “pretty busy.” That was it, no mention of any date in the future. Why did he give me his card? As a mean joke?

— Hurt and Embarrassed, Wolseley

Dear Hurt: He knows he’s hot and saw you drooling over him at dinner, so he probably thought he’d give you a little thrill. He got a kick out of seeing your reaction, but after that he didn’t want to bother following up. Forget this guy! He may be good-looking on the outside, but not so much on the inside.

The trick he played in the kitchen — giving you his card — was cheap because he didn’t mean it. The wink might have been a clue he was playing with you. He probably would have appreciated you more if you’d given him a smart remark and a refusal — a countermove in his flirting game.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom’s falling for a bisexual guy. I know this because the creep undresses me with his eyes when my mother isn’t in the room. I don’t know how to tell her, since she won’t want to hear any criticism about him. She has been lonely a long time. I know other people who know the guy and they say he’s “working both sides of the street.” How do I tell my mother and disappoint her?

— Her Only Son, North End

Dear Only Son: Tell her what you told me, and let her be mad at you, at him and at herself. Just leave her alone to work through this information. Once it’s out, things will change.

If you don’t say anything, she will get more involved with him emotionally and you will distance yourself from your mother because of him — and she won’t know why. The mistake would be in not telling her, so take a deep breath and do it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was working in Saskatchewan, there was a very cute waitress at this truck stop where my buddy and I ate a lot. Then one day she was gone. I kept going there thinking she must be on holidays, but one day the owner looked at me and said, “She’s not coming back. Her boyfriend came to pick her up. They’re moving in together out west.”

I was shocked that she even had a boyfriend — she didn’t mention anyone — and she could see I liked her a lot. Also, I was disappointed she didn’t even say goodbye to me. What is it about someone you like not saying goodbye when they’re never going to see you again? I don’t understand why it hurts, but it does.

— Not Even Her Boyfriend, Transcona 

Dear Not Her Boyfriend: Goodbye, the shortened version of “God be with you,” is a recognition of a significant person — a friend, not a stranger.  

She meant something to you, a daily friend when you were working away from home.

She hid her boyfriend, so she knew you liked her.

She may not have had the necessary guts to say goodbye and see the sadness in your eyes. That doesn’t excuse her.

Lovers say goodbye in tight embraces and painful tones, often crying. Families hug and kiss goodbye. Even teachers say goodbye to their classes at the end of a school year.

I know you’ll always remember to say goodbye and know the importance of it to people who care about you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. 

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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