Pregnant girlfriend hitting the sauce

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/04/2019 (2718 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend just found out she’s pregnant and she’s a bit of a party girl. We met at a house party a while back, where she was dancing on a table, and really hit it off. We love going out with friends and drinking.

Thing is, she just told me she’s pregnant and a buddy of mine said he saw her out having a beer with two of her girlfriends three or four days ago. So now I’m thinking, is she drinking while our baby is in there?

I asked her and she told me it didn’t matter because it’s still too early and she might even get an abortion. I’m super worried. I don’t know if I want a baby or not, but I might. I just want to talk about it, but she seems like she doesn’t want to slow down. What should I say?

— Possible Daddy, North End

Dear Possible: There is no known safe amount to drink when you’re pregnant at any stage. So, do your research, back it up with facts, sit her down and lecture her. Tell her that she should have zero alcohol until after she’s had a baby and is not breastfeeding — or after an abortion, if that’s what she wants.

Also, tell her where you stand on the abortion issue, and if you would like to have a baby and would be willing to be the active and supporting father to it. Even if you don’t marry this woman, be very clear about that.

But tell her you’ll not stand by watching her take chances with causing a baby who is born with defects that came from her drinking. If she accuses you of being parental, say, “That means I’m protective; I’m proud of that.”

Don’t be nasty, because you don’t want to lose all contact with this woman if she decides to go ahead and have your baby.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got a tattoo as soon as I turned 18 that I supremely regret at this point, and I just started dating a new guy. This guy seems pretty cool and likely not the type to freak out, but I’m not exactly the kind of person who looks like they’d get the tattoo I have.

It’s a small heart with an ex’s name in it, on my upper thigh. Sounds cheesy, I know. I was super young and have regretted it since. I’ve almost saved enough money to have it covered up or removed (still haven’t decided), but I’m so embarrassed by it, I’m making excuses to not be intimate with this new guy who I like so much.

How should I approach this? Should I be upfront or just let him see it and see his reaction? Also, what do you think? Cover-up or removal in the future?

— Embarrassing Tattoo, Wolseley

Dear Embarrassing: Because it has a name in it, you need to make casual reference to it, before he sees your upper thigh. Explain to him this old boyfriend is long gone and you were very immature when you got his name stamped on your body.

When he sees it, he may make some funny remarks or he might go silent. You have no great investment in this fellow, and people have to learn to roll with some of the punches in life. The decision to remove it is yours alone, and it’d be best if he laughs it off.

If he demands you get rid of it immediately, he’s not the guy for you. This is your body, not your soul, and you get to decide if and when you remove that unfortunate tattoo. In a way, this is a test of his personality — and nobody needs a demanding partner.

Research the ways tattoos can be removed these days and what it will look like afterwards. Some of the laser tattoo-removal systems can be painful and are not always the best. That is why you should be very familiar with the process and the person doing it.

Some tattoo artists can make something much more attractive out of an old tattoo and nobody would ever see the name again, so it would boil down to what you’re most comfortable with. If you do want to wipe that ex’s name out of your daily life, you may find that you need to remove it completely.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young husband is a big bear of a man and strong enough to steal the covers every night. He likes to roll himself up in the comforter like a cocoon. I end up going to the guest bedroom after finding myself shivering on the other side of the bed. I don’t want to sleep apart. Please help.

— Frozen Out, Linden Woods

Dear Frozen: An underrated solution for couples’ sleeping problems is buying two queen beds and shoving them together in the middle. You don’t want double beds, as that’s too small for you and your big bear to make love on the side you choose.

With two sets of covers, you can tuck your blankets down in the middle between the two mattresses and your husband’s can float free with his on top of the bed and roll up in them, if he wishes. Best of luck you two!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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