Jump-start marriage with heart-to-heart talk

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/04/2019 (2718 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a man in my 60s with a great interest in women, except for my wife. She’s been interested in her girlfriends, crafts and her job as a secretary in a huge, mostly male, workplace.

I was very pleased with my doctor giving me Viagra, as I have been lonely and stepping out a little over the last few years (coffees and dinners with women, but no sex). I’m not feeling very confident in my abilities as a lover.

That all changed when I met a woman in her mid-40s, who works at a store that’s not in my neighbourhood. She was so friendly and flirtatious and single that I started dropping in every second day. That led to seeing her in restaurants in dark corners, holding hands and talking for hours. I was no longer lonely! This spring, we have been slowly headed for an affair that would be conducted at her place.

But a few weeks ago, I realized my wife had been acting strangely, telling little lies about her activities and whereabouts. She’d accidentally contradict herself on the details (she’s always been a lousy liar). She’s a very nice-looking lady and I started to suspect I wasn’t the only one getting around. I don’t feel I have a leg to stand on to accuse her of not being faithful to me. Suddenly, I’m so mixed up! I really don’t want her in bed with any other guy. I’m also starting to feel sad and miserable. Do she and I need counselling, an open marriage, or should we just say goodbye and wish each other well?

— Sad and Confused, Charleswood

Dear Confused: Look into my crystal ball to the day of your breakup. How do you feel as you and your wife are packing up the house, leaving each other forever and moving on — with or without other people?

Do you feel sick to your stomach? Feel tears in the back of your eyes? Are you still in love, but have just drifted apart?

That’s the question you both need to answer. And there’s no more time to waste. You are on the brink of a full sexual relationship with your new lady. Your wife is telling lies and likely has her own secret thing going on.

Don’t let this week go by without asking her for a heart-to-heart talk. She may still love you, but is reacting to your indifference and cheating. You may discover you want to regain what you had with your wife and would gladly cut out the growing relationship with the other woman.

Get relationship counselling fast. A counsellor can help you figure out what’s what by asking deeper questions than you can think of in your confused state. It’s certainly worth the time and money before calling it quits. Maybe you’ll need that little bottle of Viagra for your wife.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a conference in the U.S., never expecting to meet anyone, but one of the speakers totally fascinated me with his knowledge, not to mention his good looks. He and I left the session and went for drinks at a place he knew about, a long way from the conference hotel.

We talked for several hours and things started to heat up. Long story short, we ended up in a funky little hotel and spent the night together. I really liked the man, so I was shocked when he left at 7 a.m. and I came down an hour later to find out the room bill hadn’t been paid. My mouth dropped open. I thought he was a gentleman.

Luckily, I had a credit card with me and could pay the bill. When I saw him back at the hotel, I walked up to him and said, “You walked out and left me with the bill!” He said, “And just because you’re a woman, you expected I would pay?” It left a bad taste in my mouth. Was I used?

— Still Mad, Brandon

Dear Mad: Let’s put it this way: at first you were having fun, then you happily used each other and now you’re confused because he didn’t pay the bill.

In a case like this, it would have been fairer if you split the bill, but he got out of there first, and he wasn’t taking you seriously anyway. Yes, he may be a bit of a scoundrel and he enjoyed getting away with not paying the bill.

Look, men have traditionally been expected to pay, but this is 2019 and both men and women need to discuss (nicely) who is paying for what or if you are splitting the bill before assuming anything.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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