Vitriolic vixen a force to be feared

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This article was published 24/04/2019 (2713 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been dating a woman for five months who is a force. She is intense, very good at her job, and to be honest, is scaring me in the bedroom. I’m not used to being the one who is tied up. And she wants the whole scene more often than I do.

How do I tell her I’m starting to wilt? I want out, but how do I tell mistress that when she has a really mean mouth and ways to get even with people? — Scared of Her Wrath, Downtown

Dear Scared: You can’t expect her to say, “That’s OK, sweetie. Whatever you want.” You’re scared of her vitriol. That means you have to do it the indirect way, and break up with her on the phone.

She will be angry about that and likely come stomping over to confront you face to face. Depending on how scared you are, you may not want to let her in.

She will then probably call you a bunch of words that translate to “wimp.” That can be the price of dumping a dominant lady with a sharp vocabulary.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy who works with young kids, kindergarten age, and some of my close friends love to make jokes about pedophilia. I absolutely hate it.

I always tell them to stop, as it’s my career and I don’t joke around about it. I also want to have my own kids in a couple of years. If these guys still talk this way, they’re never coming around again.

I’ve known them since grade school and they are quite immature, but they are “the boys” and they’d be pretty hurt if I stopped hanging out with the crew.

How do you put your foot down with your buddies and get results? I’m stuck. — Friends on Thin Ice, Selkirk

Dear Thin Ice: It’s pointless to try to go up against the crew of guys when they can band together and laugh it off.

Talk to the most influential person of that group who could be counted on to repeat the message to your pals. Make it clear that if this pedophilia teasing doesn’t end ASAP, you won’t want to hang out with them anymore.

Let him know how serious you are about your career and that this group behaviour is dangerous to the reputation of a teacher and really gross to someone thinking about becoming a parent.

Frankly, I think it’s time you moved on from this group of immature guys to find people who are more advanced and have careers that mean something to them — and don’t think in this crude way.

If they do decide to behave themselves, they can stay on as one of your groups of friends. But you’d be well-advised to develop new contacts and make them into the close friends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband (41 years young) works from home and watches that old TV chestnut, Friends, constantly, when he’s on the computer “working,” or cleaning or doing almost anything at home.

He’s watched this show in its entirety, all 10 seasons, twice so far in 2019.

I told him I couldn’t stand it! So, lately he just watches when he thinks I can’t hear from the other room.

I asked him if he was depressed or something. He says no, but I can tell something’s bugging him. I’m way past the end of my rope with him bingeing this show. — Sick of Friends, Winnipeg

Dear Sick: Lots of people binge-watch comforting shows, such as Friends, but not to this extent. Is he blocking something that makes him nervous or doesn’t want to talk about? You are right to be concerned at this point.

The next time you hear him watching Friends in the other room, make some popcorn, sit down beside him and ask him casually, “What do you love most about this show?” He may tell you, or he may not even know, but the themes of the show are young people, in the prime of their lives, looking for careers and love in an exciting setting (New York) which provides one little adventure after another.

Could he be longing for the return of that time in his life when he had no responsibilities, there were lots of friends around and they interacted with each other on a daily basis?

Ironically, by working at home, he is isolated from a lifestyle where he would have daily social interactions. It may be that he’s sick of his current job working from home, his lack of fun friends, or even… you.

You need to have an intimate conversation that includes, “What are the things that bother you in your life? You tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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