Beau’s sexual appetite is wearing her out

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This article was published 30/04/2019 (2713 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: How often is too often for sex? I’m starting to really get tired of my boyfriend’s porn-star appetite. We mostly have hot sex at his instigation, but lately my interest for it is dropping like a stone. I’m 29 and he’s 34, but he seems to want it so often, he may as well be 18 again.

— Rolling My Eyes, St. James

Dear Rolling: Most couples can’t keep their hands off each other in the beginning when everything about each other is new and emotions are running high. They can’t wait to be together, as nothing is guaranteed yet.

It’s also a function of wanting to get closer and closer emotionally and the physical joining satisfies those insecurities for a time. If the relationship gets closer, things settle down a bit. If it’s equal for both, no problem, but when frequency is getting bothersome for one person, things may be winding down emotionally for them.

Since your man wants sex all the time, and you’re annoyed, you really need to take a chance and have a heart-to-heart talk. Can’t put your finger on what’s wrong? Make a secret list of what’s annoying you: are you busier at work? Too tired? Do you find his moves — and your own — boringly predictable? Is your interest in him as a person slowly decreasing? Now’s the time to fix problems or let each other go. There’s nothing worse than being hounded for sex you really don’t want anymore.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m living in Winnipeg on an exchange program and going home very soon. I started dating a girl in school, and she and I are having a great time. We both come from families that are more traditional. We can’t possibly tell our parents about our dating as they’d be upset and likely switch us into different schools in different countries.

I want to keep in touch with her, but how do I hide my feelings from my parents for the whole summer? I’m going to be so incredibly sad.

— Foreign Student Love, Winnipeg

Dear Foreign Student: If you’re going to keep this a secret, and have modern communication devices, don’t use those that can be read or heard by others. Daily communication is too much and will keep you in a constant state of missing and needing her.

Agree on a more relaxed communication rhythm and phone each other three times a week when you’re both out walking, shopping or on park benches. The last thing you want is for your family to listen in at home — and find yourself jerked out of school in Canada.

If your parents notice you moping back home, get involved with old friends or a sport like soccer so you aren’t around the house too much. If they ask you why you’re sad, tell them you miss your studies in Canada. Remember, moping makes time go slower, while staying busy makes time go faster.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m about to marry the man of my dreams, but I have a huge secret. We’ve been together for about three years and I cheated on him with an old ex six months after we started dating. I feel terrible about it, and feel gross when I think about my ex now, but it happened and I’m about to be with my new man for the rest of my life. Do I tell him? Do I keep this awful secret? What do I do?

— Tortured By My Secret, Kildonan

Dear Trapped: The problem with keeping dirty secrets is they distance you from the one you love. It would be ugly to disclose this secret after you marry your intended. Since it’s eating at you, your heart is telling you to confess and take your chances. He may have a few secrets of his own, so be ready for that possibility.

This cheating took place at the beginning of your relationship. You may have been going steady at that time with your present guy, but you have been otherwise faithful for the 2½ years since. Now that you’re engaged to be married — and strongly committed yourself — the likelihood of your cheating again is almost nil.

You are taking a chance that your fiancé may not want to go ahead with a wedding, but at least you won’t be hiding this terrible secret for the rest of your days.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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