Dog dispute has couple in the ruff

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This article was published 01/05/2019 (2713 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I have three dogs on our acreage and she wants a fourth. Don’t get me wrong. I love dogs, but three is a lot of work. My wife is not great at dog care and the things she seems to miss or forget usually fall on me, like shovelling all the dog poop in the yard.

I don’t want another dog, as I’ll end up doing more than my fair share of its care and maintenance. She seems determined and she can be hard to approach on things she’s set her mind on. Please help. I feel like the biggest “pet” in the household — her workhorse.

— Digging My Heels In, Southern Manitoba

Dear Workhorse: Your wife may have made the leap from having a pet to having a herd because the amount of work is no different for her. Divide the animal chores evenly on a piece of paper and stick it on the fridge. If she is shirking her work and the visual evidence is right there to prove it, your case will be much stronger.

There comes a time in a lot of couples’ relationships where there must be a reckoning. Strong talks, emotional expression, even crying and finally setting boundaries need to be part of this process. Explain how adding a fourth dog will end up with you shouldering much of the workload. Praise her for the things she does well, but insist that the animal number not expand, because you’ve reached your limit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a plus-sized woman who used to be quite thin when I was younger. I even did a bit of modelling in the ’90s. Recently, I ran into some of the girls I used to work with and they all looked amazing. I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. My body has changed so much since then.

I chatted briefly and quickly took off, but they really seemed happy to see me, and I felt embarrassed for running away. Now I’m twice embarrassed and feeling pretty lame. I want to go to the gym, but I feel like it’s for the wrong reasons. I also want to see those girls again, but I worry I’ll feel like their ugly friend. What should I do?

— Plus-Size Guilt, Tuxedo

Dear Guilt: Your old friends have no problem with you and want to see you. Who is being shallow here? If you don’t want to see the whole group at once, see them one at a time, particularly the ones you miss. Oddly enough, it’s your vanity and competitiveness that’s keeping you away. You are judging yourself unfairly by your appearance, which is wrong. Some of the best people in our lives are not people we’d describe as having perfect features or bodies.

You’re an adult and your modelling days are over. It’s time to focus on having a real life. Most of these old friends are likely focusing on their lives as well. Everybody has problems and complications as they go through different stages with their families.

Start asking these friends about their experiences and their families and really listen. At the same time, stop criticizing yourself. If you simply can’t, it might be a good time to see a psychologist and get past this roadblock.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My friend and I rented an apartment we can just barely afford. It is really big and nice, but recently he’s been spending a lot of time at the casino and coming home in the wee hours.

In the past two months, I’ve lent him roughly $400 and I have a bad feeling he’s going to duck out on this place soon. I’m not earning enough money to afford the apartment by myself, but he’s on the lease. If I rock the boat too early, I worry he’ll take off before I can find someone else. How can I avoid all this?

— Nervous Roommate, Downtown

Dear Nervous: Start putting out feelers among your friends to see if anybody else is unhappy in their living situation. Without saying anything, invite people over who’d make a good roommate, should things fall apart. That way, they’ll be familiar with your place. Meanwhile, if you need to, take on some extra work and save enough money for a couple of months’ worth of rent on your apartment.

If you really sense this guy is heading for the ditch, make a resolution to talk to him once you have enough money saved and ask him point-blank about his gambling and what he plans to do about it. He might tell you to mind your own business, but household finances are your business.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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