Some sex insults you can’t take back

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This article was published 03/05/2019 (2713 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband of almost six months (I met him last year on holiday) just admitted to me he isn’t very turned on by my small chest. He just offered to buy me breast implants for our first anniversary. I am so angry I can barely get the words out.

Why did I marry this jerk? I now realize six months is not a long enough time to know how somebody really feels about you. Now I’m stuck in a marriage with a guy who obviously doesn’t love me the way I am.

Would I be crazy if I dumped him, before we have babies or something? I must confess I retaliated with a remark about his small manhood, and he’s barely speaking to me. Fine! I don’t want to speak to him either.

— Furious with New Husband

Dear Furious: You both went too far. How can your husband now tell you with any conviction that he likes small breasts? How can you convince him that you like his small body part? If you express these hurtful things, you inhibit your partner, and sometimes it can’t be repaired.

Before you make another impulsive decision, both of you need to see a relationship counsellor ASAP. It may help, but there are some words so insulting you can never take them back. That’s why you need an experienced referee.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Cottage rental time is upon us! I want to rent a place for the whole summer and my city-boy husband says it’s a waste of money, not to mention the gas for the commute. How can feeling wonderful for two months after this harsh winter not be worth the money? I have offered to pay half and he says he still resents the amount he’d have to pay. Both of us get three weeks’ holiday per year, so there would be another five weeks where we’d be commuting to work in downtown Winnipeg. Big deal! Who is the idiot here? I think he is.

— Cabin Cravings, Wolseley

Dear Cravings: Here’s a compromise for you two. Since this would not be a 50-50 agreement, it’s likely your husband wouldn’t want to come out every day all summer. So, how about you pay a little extra and invite a bunch of your girlfriends out over a week or 10 days? You wouldn’t be out of line asking them to chip in a little bit to cover some of the expenses for that time and may end up having a ton of fun!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in love with a woman in university 15 years ago, but she went off to school to do a master’s program in another province and found another guy.

I was hurt, but I’m not a loser and I found someone just as great in Manitoba, two years later. We married and had kids and everything went well for six years until she made a “little mistake” and had an affair with someone from her gym. Unfortunately, I caught them, and our marriage fell apart.

I was walking through Polo Park mall last week, and who do I run into but my original university love. Her marriage also ended and she confessed she carried a torch for me for a long time.

She suggested we go for dinner to catch up. But at dinner, she let me know she found a religion that really helped her through life. I asked her which one and it turned out it was one of those religions where you have to get “saved.” That turned me off, as I’m an atheist.

On the other hand, she was totally charming, just as she was when we were together. I must confess, I remember we had really hot sex when we were together.

Do you think I could get her to keep her religion to herself and I would keep my mouth shut about my beliefs (or lack thereof)?

— Lusting for Her, St. James

Dear Lusting: Many religions are just fine with sex in the confines of a committed relationship, although the church may want you to be married. Your best bet is to open this hot discussion and talk about it.

This old fling may surprise you with her response. Sometimes, one person in a couple enjoys a religion while the other half has no interest.

And yes, there is probably a higher percentage who want their religion to be shared.

Just don’t write her off without even discussing it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend expects me to pay for absolutely everything. I’m 21 years old and work part time, and almost all my money is spent on her. Is it too much to ask her for a 50-50 split? The truth is I can’t continue seeing her if she doesn’t pay, too.

— Broke as a Bad Joke, East Kildonan

Dear Broke: Be truthful with her about your financial situation and tell her you can’t have a relationship with someone who doesn’t split the costs of food and entertainment.

If she says “Too bad,” tell her you’ll call her again when you make your first million!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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