Cheating wife irked over hubby’s beach parties

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This article was published 06/05/2019 (2709 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My life is really confusing now as I have both a husband and lover. My husband loves me and says so quite regularly. The lover is an athlete and much more titillating than my old husband. My husband is retired (I’m working full time) and older than I am in so many ways!

He loves to go to the lake with his buddies and fish, tell lies and drink. He doesn’t care if I don’t come, as different groups of his fishing friends come up all the time to visit. They fry the day’s catch, drink beer and a few of them are pretty handy with the barbecue. They don’t need me there to run drinks out to them! I come up the odd weekend when they’re not allowed to be there.

Meanwhile, I have a thing going with a guy my husband thinks is “light in the loafers.” My boyfriend gets a big kick out of wearing my husband’s loafers in the bedroom. All this worked fine the last two summers until I found out some women were going up to the lake last fall, and my husband was part of it. I know I don’t have a leg to stand stand on, but I’m furious. That’s my family! How dare he have women up there, even if he personally is doing nothing (although I doubt that!). How many people know this is going on? Am I the laughingstock of the lake? What should I do?

— Embarrassed Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed: Be careful! You’ll need to end your own affair first if you’re going stand up on a soapbox and demand a total cleanup at the lake. It seems it’s going to be impossible to keep your mouth shut, even if you still have a wild affair going on at home. So what do you say?

Tell your husband you’ve heard the rumours about the guys bringing women (not their wives) up on weekends and you’re feeling extremely embarrassed and angry.

What if he retaliates? Your husband may actually know about your affair with Loafer Man but has decided to keep his mouth closed in return for having parties with women and his buddies at the lake.

But realistically, how long do you think you’ll be able to keep this charade going, if you’re both aware you’re both cheating? Not long.

If you’re extremely attracted to your lover, then you have no choice but to keep mum about the shenanigans at the lake. However, you’re definitely not in control of everything that happens and this may be the summer it all blows apart whether you say anything or not.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son is smoking marijuana and he’s still in high school. I’m worried because he’s still so young and everything I’ve read talks about the long-term effects it can have on developing minds. He’s a good kid and doesn’t really struggle with school, but I’m worried he’ll start blowing off responsibilities. I’ve already noticed a change in him over the winter and I hope this summer he can get back to himself.

Any suggestions for dealing with this problem? I came down a bit hard on him the first time and I feel like it only pushed him away. His dad doesn’t seem too worried. Should I be?

— Concerned Mama, East Kildonan

Dear Mama: This is tough. With marijuana now legal, more people feel inclined to try it. One thing to remember is the legal age for consumption is 19 — meaning due to significant research and consideration, the government decided that was the youngest it was comfortable with allowing people to purchase and consume cannabis.

This makes sense, but we all know how kids are. While rebelling against their parents feels good to them, they still care about their families and just want to be treated fairly. I would advise you to sit down with your son, apologize for coming down so hard on him last time, then express your concerns.

Tell him you know you can’t stop him from doing it, but the reasons you want him to wait until 19 are sound — and be able to quote them. High school only happens once, and making sure your grades are strong enough to continue schooling later is incredibly important, even if he doesn’t know what he wants to do right now.

It’s very easy to form lifelong bad habits at his age. If he is at a party and smokes it, that is different from him smoking it every day before school — which is truly destructive.

Make sure he knows you are coming from a place of love and not cold judgment; it may have a positive effect on him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What’s the best way to get involved with women? I’m new in the city, not a bad-looking man and I only really know the people I work with. I’m only 41 years old and have a great career, but I find myself sitting alone at bars on the weekend and spending time by myself during the week. I’m a bit of a shy guy, so I feel like some kind of group thing would work best for me. I also am not a fan of dating apps. What would you do?

— Professional Loner, Downtown

Dear Professional Loner: Women of all ages, married and single, with beautiful hearts do charity work in this city, far outnumbering the men. So knock yourself out helping people and meet women at the same time.

Running clubs often organized out of running-wear stores have many women in them, and there are races to train for all spring, summer and fall. Or you can just run for fun.

Adventures for Successful Singles has around 1,700 members and 40 to 50 sports, arts and social events every month (call 204-775-3484 for more information).

Overschedule yourself and then filter out what interests you least.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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