A healing prescription for heartbreak

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/05/2019 (2703 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Heartache is affecting me lower than my heart — a kick right in the gut. I can’t eat to comfort myself because I have no appetite. Food tastes like cardboard. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am getting thinner and thinner. Please help me! This is not my first rodeo, but I’ve never been bucked off this hard — she was cheating with my best friend. I was no angel either.

— Losing Weight and Aching All Over, Downtown

Dear Hurting: You need nourishment for your body and soul. You don’t need a lot of solid food at first, but don’t exist on coffee or liquor as you will get upset and perhaps call the old ex, list her faults, call her nasty names, cry over your own feelings and end up more pathetic than when you started.

So “drink-eat.” Small-can meal replacements, rich in the nutrients and vitamins you need daily, will help you through the first weeks. If you don’t like the taste, drink instant breakfasts or even straight glasses of milk or milkshakes. Milk has so many of the nutrients for life that babies can get along on it for a time. Adults? Not so long, but it’s a start when you’re not eating anything at all.

Please see your doctor and confess all, and get whatever help is needed to get you through.

Realize that if your ex doesn’t love you anymore, you just have to accept that and move on. Begging won’t help, it just drives the person further away. You can’t just make people love you.

On the other hand, your ex may still have some love for you. Be warned: she might decide to come back after you, even after she cheated on you. If so, it’s a good idea not to capitulate easily. Don’t be mean or spiteful, but don’t be too available, either. Make her work for your affection, so she doesn’t just cheat and dump you again whenever she wants a change.

Unless this is a marriage with kids, it’s generally better to look ahead at a new life. You can find another partner who shares your ex’s good qualities — and even some of her looks — but more importantly, is an overall better personality match for you.

Now for the tough talk. Not everybody tells me the whole truth. If you have been a neglectful, cold or violent partner in this relationship, contributing to your ex’s retaliation, this is the time to seek help and make major changes. And do it for yourself, not as a way to win her back.

Get the counselling you need to make you a better, healthier, happier and more confident person. Then, hopefully, you can start over with a new person who isn’t constantly reminding you of your previous faults.

Finally, you need to keep active and interact with lots of new people. Call old friends you have neglected and apologize profusely for not staying in touch. Some of them will be quite happy to have you back and others will be cold. Go with the warm ones and organize get-togethers to go to concerts, sporting events or outdoor activities. Nature is a healer; even just walking in the woods alone and listening to the birds can be restorative.

If you’re a dog lover, now would be a good time to get a puppy or older dog. If you’re a cat lover, same thing. It’s good to have another heartbeat in the house and cuddling a pet is good for your emotional well-being. Good luck with this, and let me know how it’s going. Heartbreak is one of the hardest challenges we face.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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