Best friends not always marriage material

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/05/2019 (2705 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is a great person, very funny and the best company you could want for anything — except sex. In the bedroom, he’s just ho-hum average and kind of a fumbler, if the truth be known. I have to fantasize like crazy he’s a certain well-known singer to get into the mood. I love my boyfriend — he’s my best friend in the world — but he sure doesn’t do it for me sexually. He wants to get married. Should we?

— Worried About Lacklustre Sex, Westwood

Dear Lacklustre: Is your best friend teachable? If he is, you better get at it. You wouldn’t be doing him or yourself any favours by getting married, having kids and mediocre sex. Eventually, one or both of you would not be wanting sex anymore, and a lover might find a hole in your marriage to sneak through. So much for best friends and too bad for the kids.

Most people don’t marry their best friend, unless that person is also their best lover. Otherwise, they just stay platonic buddies and don’t mix it up sexually.

Your husband needs to be a man you love in a sexual way from the get-go, because desire often decreases after a few years. Ask the “best friends” out there who are married to each other and don’t have the bio-glue of a happy sex life how they feel — especially when they see their mate light up looking at someone they really do find attractive.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has finally come right out and said he wants me to get breast implants. He said he would pay for it, as a birthday gift, but really it’s a gift for himself.

I was so angry and humiliated over my small boobs, I went to bed crying. The next morning, I woke up furious and told him I’d trade him a boob job for a penis enlargement because he has nothing to speak of. Now we’re not talking.

You may wonder why I stay with this lout. I come from a poor family and he has happily given me anything I ever wanted in terms of a house, pool, cabin at the lake, fancy furniture and diamonds. Do I love him? Well, I love the lifestyle he has provided. Now it seems he wants me to “pay the rent” by getting big breasts. Do I owe him anything?

— Not Big Enough, Linden Woods

Dear Not Big Enough: The good news? You don’t owe him a nickel in payment for your shared house and “living large” situation. You could walk away from this marriage and still get your portion (but make sure you retain a lawyer he doesn’t know).

If you get divorced, you would still have enough money to never be poor again in your life, which is understandably your big worry. If you got breast implants, it’s my guess you would resent them. They would make you feel cheap because you were forced into the operation. You can bet your husband won’t be rushing to explore a penis enlargement, so ask him to explain why he’s huffy about it. Tell him exactly what you think of his request and that it makes you feel inadequate to even be asked.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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