Don’t snuff out daughter’s budding business drive

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/02/2021 (2012 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My oldest teenage daughter is going to be a millionaire one day, but right now she’s driving us crazy with her business ideas.

She’s extremely motivated and has done well in other ventures, but just got into candle-making this month and has taken over the family kitchen.

Our family has been living in close quarters for almost a year now, and our fuses are short. If anyone in the house wants to make food, we have to clean up candle-making supplies and mess for 20 minutes just to see counters again.

My wife warned me not to complain too loudly, for fear I “demotivate” her.

Frankly, I’d like her to move everything to the basement, but she needs the stove and counter space. Last night I blew up and told my daughter part of owning a business is cleaning up the workroom, especially if it’s the only kitchen your parents own!

She cried, moved her stuff back to her room into boxes. Now my wife is furious at me and yelled, “Now look what you’ve done!” Help, please.

— “Mean” Father, south Winnipeg

Dear “Mean”: If the candle making can be contained to certain hours, with supplies carefully moved into a big box left right there in the kitchen when not in use, you’d be able to share the room. If it’s a lot of stuff, and you’re a strong and healthy guy, offer to help her move it back and forth, whenever you can. This fence can definitely be mended, if you both bend a little!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We told our son we’re nervous about his health. He’s 21 and has been living with us while he’s finishing university. He has a girlfriend from a big family, and we’re nervous about the big multi-bubble over there at her house.

He said: “So what do you want me to do? Stop going there? I love her, and her family!” He went tight-lipped, and didn’t come home for two days. Then he packed very loudly last night to move in there. That meant a lot of crashing and banging of boxes and suitcases. His new “brothers” brought over their family truck.

My wife and I feel bad, because he’s our oldest and only son. His family must think we see them as disease-ridden or something. We don’t! They sound like nice people, but they are connected to a lot of other people.

On the other hand, we’re relieved he isn’t coming home possibly having contracted COVID, as we have our two young daughters, ourselves and our jobs to worry about. What can we do to make peace with him and “his new family” as he calls them?

— On the Outs, North Kildonan

Dear On the Outs: Whatever money your son’s “new family” is paying to feed him could be offered to them as board. Call them, so they see you’re not cold-hearted. If they won’t take anything for his keep, tell your son to buy groceries with it for their house.

Swallow your pride and express your thanks to the parents for treating your son well. Then stop feeling badly.

Realize this isn’t terrible for him, as he’s getting to sleep with/live with his sweetheart! And it’s better for you, now you don’t have to worry what your son might be bringing home, in terms of the coronavirus, from this much bigger bubble of parents, siblings and all their close friends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband got drunk with me last night. He never drinks! So, imagine my surprise when he told me he got a girl pregnant in first year university, and wanted her to have an abortion.

She said “No way!” and moved to Toronto to be with her aunt — so maybe he has a child somewhere who may have been adopted out.

He says it gives him nightmares sometimes, where the child is crying for his daddy. I don’t know what to tell him. He’s been too scared to even look for this old girlfriend online. I said, “Go ahead. I’ll help!”

— Upset For Him, Fort Garry

Dear Upset: The most direct way would be to contact this former girlfriend, but that might be more than he’s willing or able to do.

He may be able to glean some information from publicly viewable info on Facebook or other social media. He may be able to see if the university girlfriend has photos of a child of that age on her website.

She may also have married and changed her last name and she may even have given the baby up for adoption.

Her parents might be easier to track. But if there was an abortion, she might not have told her folks.

Your husband could simply offer his contact information to the parents, and there’s a chance they might pass it on. His ex may want nothing to do with your husband, but she may respond.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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