He’s hot for sports, not wife

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This article was published 14/03/2019 (2762 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know it’s weird to hear this from a woman, but I’m way more highly sexed than my husband of 25 years. He has lost interest in making love with me. He prefers the hot games of the sports season. I try to laugh about it. I say my husband’s girlfriends are named Hockey, Baseball, Soccer, Football, Curling and Golf.

I’m so angry, I want to smash his giant TV and flush the remote down the toilet. Now my blood pressure has started to act up. If I make a move towards him sexually, he waves me off with his hand, saying, “The game’s on!” 

I’m thinking of moving the TV to the guest bedroom so that my own bedroom life is private and I can entertain myself, or at least get some uninterrupted sleep. Our kids have recently left home. I feel so alone and unloved.

Do I want another husband? Yes and no. I want the hot and interested young husband I married to come back, but that’s never going to happen. I certainly want and need real love in my life. My husband has the desire of a marshmallow. He never looks at me with passion — he’s too addicted to the TV screen at the end of our bed.

I suspect he secretly bets on sports, as he’s so worried over the outcomes of certain big games. He has a good job, but he never has money to go anywhere, or so he says. I’m at my wit’s end. I’m wondering if leaving him would wake him up?

— Desperate Sports Widow, Tuxedo

Dear Desperate: It’s never smart to gamble with a marriage. You should tell him you want marriage counselling to see if you can rekindle things.

If you just threaten to leave him outright, you might have to live with an outcome you weren’t looking for. 

Look into your heart and your past. You must have played some part in the deterioration of your romantic relationship. Were you unavailable to him, for instance, because of work and kids? Did his after-work life become so absorbing there was no room for you in it anymore?

Ask him straight up if he’s gambling and watch his face closely. If he says yes, or you believe he is, try to get him to go for help, starting with Gamblers Anonymous. 

Finally, have you told him how lonely you are without him, or do you just suffer in silence? Yes, he’s fallen into a rut, but it takes two. With the help of counselling, you could still return to the passionate lovers you once were. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend calls me names which she thinks are funny, referring to the bright red hair on my head, and everywhere else a man has hair. The word “carrot” is usually involved in a crude way.

I put up with it at first because we were new lovers, and she thought she was being cute. Then one of her friends got very drunk at a party and called me one of those names in front of people, referring to my very private part. I felt humiliated, but pretended to laugh it off. I never want to see any of my girlfriend’s friends again — and frankly, I’m not sure I want to see her, either.

— Deeply Upset, Manitoba

Dear Deeply Upset: Any woman who’d mock you to her friends like this is not worth forgiving. She’s not a classy woman, and she runs with a crowd to match. Dump her and look for a woman who is more sensitive, kind and honourable.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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