No need to stitch and tell about slinky lingerie gift fix

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/02/2021 (2049 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is the sweetest guy in the world, but very unrealistic when it comes to women’s sizes. For Valentine’s Day, he’d never consider buying me sexy lingerie in a 2X, since he’d think that was insulting. But that’s what I need, to fit over my very generous, er, chest.

I stuffed myself into the see-through gown anyway, and he loved that, but it was uncomfortable. So now I have this very sexy piece I don’t know what to do with. It’s not the kind of thing you can return to a store — far too intimate, and I’ve already worn it.

I love it because it came from him, but I only want to wear it again in comfort. Any ideas?

— Adoring My Man, Sage Creek

Dear Adoring: You could look for a costume-maker (who may not terribly busy during COVID) and have it altered. Look up dance companies online, and ask who they have doing their costumes. Too shy for this? A second solution — this is sneaky — is to find out where he bought it, go back and buy a bigger size, and don’t tell him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband dropped the ball on Valentine’s Day. The guy woke up, didn’t even shower (he really needed to!) then drank a Coke at 8 a.m. with no shirt on, leaving in the bedroom doorway, saying with a leer, “Hey, babe!” So classy.

I said, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” and he got a look on his face like he’d seen a dead body. I gave him his gift, but he didn’t open it right away. He said he needed to go to the store to get groceries, but that my gift was in the trunk. He came back after 45 minutes with what looked like drugstore gifts.

It’s not that I don’t like the presents, but especially with the tough year we’ve had I just wanted something sentimental, or for him to at least give a damn about remembering me on Valentine’s Day. I’m not leaving him. I just needed to vent!

— Les Miserables, St. Boniface

Dear Miserables: Too often couples don’t have “the gift talk.” People come from different types of families — those who love to give gifts, surprises and to plan parties, but also from families where nothing much was ever given, except apologies for having forgotten again. You need to tell him what you’d like to give and receive, and how to celebrate your love together, without being prodded every year.

If this was a one-off miss for your husband, it’s not such a big a deal. But was it? Is it your husband’s style (or lack of it) to drag his feet about gift-giving on special occasions? Many women are planning gifts to give weeks ahead, but their partner doesn’t even seem aware.

Other guys balk because they don’t want gift-giving season dictated to them by an old custom or greeting card companies. They’re really blowing it if they don’t consider the feelings of their lover. Instead of more love and sexual interest, they “take a stand” and risk gambling some of it away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought my husband a new MacBook for Valentine’s Day and he bought me a box of chocolates and a small teddy bear. It’s like he didn’t care enough to think about me, as a person.

Before you ask, no, we didn’t discuss budget, but we both make good money and I figured he’d at least do something a bit more substantial. I’ve been thinking about it since, and I’m just getting more upset about it. My friends have said I’m being unrealistic, so I want another opinion.

— Just the Facts, Sage Creek

Dear Just the Facts: Sweethearts should express their hopes to each other, well before these occasions, and have real discussions, rather than angry ones born out of a bad scene. Your husband may have felt he was giving from the heart, or it might have been a “That’ll do!” gift bought at the last minute.

You need to ask him how he feels about Valentine’s Day, and tell him how you feel. Then talk about gifts you’d like to receive, be they romantic flowers and cards, useful gifts, or sensual/playful items. Then ask him what he’d enjoy getting from you, and really listen. Once people have a clear idea of what will please their valentine, they are usually relieved and glad to do it. A lot of people — mainly guys —have no idea and are scratching their heads or putting it off until the next day and the next — and then sometimes forget it.

That’s a big “whoopsie,” because even if they don’t care about it personally, their partner’s pride and feelings are involved. While it’s true some couples just wish each other a Happy Valentine’s Day — and that’s fine — the majority of female lovers really want a card, flowers or gift, no matter what size.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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