‘Big O’ remains a mystery to cold manipulator

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/06/2019 (2698 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m so sick of myself! I wasn’t in love with my most recent ex-husband, nor was I in love with the one before him, although they all loved me at first. I come from a poor and insecure background, never knowing where my next meal was coming from, or who my mother was going to drag home, only to tell him before she kicked him out, she was “a little short on the rent.” I was undereducated, underfed and married my husbands for money and security, and a life where I didn’t have to work at menial labour.

I cooked, cleaned and gave my husbands great sex three times a week because I read somewhere it was the national average in marriages. But in the end, they knew I didn’t love them. I acted like staff — everything so organized, the show running like clockwork, great meals prepared on time. I married men who didn’t want any more children, or didn’t want any at all, and could afford a stay-at-home wife. I called them all “Dear” during the day and “Darling” in the bedroom. I gave them satisfaction, but I’ve never had a real orgasm in my life. In the end, they figured out I didn’t really love them, and left me because I have a cold streak down the middle that can’t be covered up forever.

Now the second man is gone and I have another nice settlement, but I can’t repeat this pattern, even one more time. I really hurt this last man. I’m almost 40, and I’d like to know real love and have an orgasm before I die. But I have never had any luck before. Can you help me?

— Big User, Winnipeg

Dear User: You need emotional help as much as a person with broken limbs needs to get them fixed. Take some of the money from your last settlement to spend on therapy, and don’t just go for a session or two. Invest in yourself big-time for as long as it takes to awaken trust and your ability to feel and love — and be warmly sexual, not just faking it.

In the meantime, you can help things along in loving yourself physically. Buy books on self-love, the newest sex toys and learn the paths to orgasm that work for you. Once you can orgasm on your own, it’s much easier with a partner.

You might also consider building your self-respect and confidence by getting an education and some training to do something you really enjoy. As for company and affection right now, if you trust animals and don’t have any pets, get some to open up your loving capacity and to keep you company.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just ran into a teacher I had a big crush on in high school when she must have been 22. I was 17 at the time. She is now 34 and I’m 29. We had a great time talking in the food court at St. Vital Centre. Then we went book shopping, went back to the food court for dinner and then we said a lingering goodbye at her car and she said, “Call me sometime!” and kissed me on the cheek and gave me her number.

What does “sometime” mean, anyway? I want to call her now but don’t know if she meant days or weeks or months. I’m going nuts wanting to see her.

— Crazy About Her, South St. Vital

Dear Crazy: Great news, Romeo! “Sometime” would likely mean a few weeks or months. But “sometime” with the kiss means any time now! So, after you read this reply, get on the phone and call her and ask her for dinner at a small restaurant — more intimate than a food court.

Start the discussion by talking about seeing her again, and asking what kinds of foods she likes and discuss what your tastes are. Set a time and ask to pick her up. She already knows you, so you’re not a scary stranger. Write back and let us know how it goes. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just bit off more than I can chew. The man I want is a single dad — my next-door neighbour — and he just asked me to take care of his children for the July long weekend while he goes to visit a woman he met on the internet. I stupidly said yes. His kids are great, but the trouble is, I have a thing for him myself.

He treats me like a sister! I’m divorced, like him, with one daughter of my own. I feel like I’d be aiding and abetting a crime by looking after his kids while he makes time with her. Should I confess to him how I feel and ask him to get someone else to babysit?

— Feeling Sick About It, Windsor Park

Dear Feeling Sick: Yes, you should confess all, with your chin held high, and do it as soon as possible. He can find another babysitter who’s not going to be hurt, looking after his kids while he’s away romancing someone else. Maybe he won’t go at all. Let him digest your confession, and see where that goes. You may just win if he’s been secretly looking at you, too!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography