Insulting each other not a good weight-loss plan

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This article was published 10/04/2016 (3509 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I got married five years ago, and we have both put on between 40 and 50 pounds. I keep telling her she’s luscious and curvy, but she tells me “You’re fat and should get rid of that beer gut.” How come I can praise her present body in the most beautiful of ways, and she cold-heartedly tells me I’m ugly?”

She has just gotten pregnant again, and each pregnancy seems to bring with it another 20 pounds that stay on. I tend to gain weight with her in the first three or four months of each pregnancy because she’s sick and all we can do is sit, eat and watch TV together. Last night we had World War Three at our house because I said, “Oh no. Here we go with another pregnancy: you’re sick and we’re sitting in front of the TV getting fatter and fatter.” She’s not used to getting her own insults thrown back at her and started to bawl, ran to the bedroom and locked the door. How can we possibly get back on an even keel now that this dirty water has flowed under the bridge?

— Fat Gut, St Vital

Dear Fat Gut: It’s much easier to show anger than to show the hurt hiding beneath it. Put away your pride and express the hurt and embarrassment she causes you by making fun of your body. Remind her of the wonderful times you had together when you were crazy in love. Ask her what things you have done since that have inadvertently hurt her feelings, and really listen.

It’s likely those suppressed complaints are the cause of her anger, and she is possibly even projecting her own feelings of inadequacy onto you and your body. Tell her you can go walking together in the coming warm weather to get back into better shape and the kids can come along in the stroller.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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