Call a truce with mother

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This article was published 08/05/2016 (3779 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please answer me on Mother’s Day. My mean-mouthed mother lives three doors down and I haven’t spoken to her for eight months, ever since she came over and criticized my “useless” husband and my “unsanitary” housekeeping. Then she said the worst thing — that my tiny son was “a homely-looking baby, but maybe he’d grow out of it.”

I saw red! I said, “Usually he’s cute, but on one of his worst colicky days, he looks just like you, Mom, with his mouth wide open whining and complaining.” Then I kicked her out. I said, “If you’re going to insult this little baby, and you’re not here to help your tired daughter, just get out and take your criticism with you.” She did, and I have felt no need to apologize. Nor has she, apparently. However, as Mother’s Day is here, I wonder what I should do. I don’t want to stay enemies for life, but I don’t want her visiting me again.

— Unhappy Daughter, Fort Richmond

Dear Unhappy Daughter: Not talking to a parent who lives three doors down burns up too much psychological energy, so put a card under her door today (people don’t look in mailboxes on weekends) that says “Happy Mother’s Day. Someday soon I’ll come by and we’ll take the baby for a ride around the block in the stroller.”

That way you’re offering half an olive branch. She may note she has not been invited into your house. That’s OK. One day next week, stop by with the baby when you have a pretty good idea she’s home, and see if she wants to go for a stroll. Make the walk short and sweet, rather than long and nerve-racking.

Take control. Start all conversations with a few things that will keep you on impersonal topics, such as planting spring flowers, American politicians and her favourite hobbies. But if she wants to get personal and she’s not apologizing, but instead trying to make it your fault, stop walking. Look right at her and say sternly: “Stop. We won’t go there.” And start back toward home. Drop her off at her gate and be off, cheerfully.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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