Flirting with ex a tasteless move

By: Miss Lonelyhearts Posted: 12:00 PM CDT Sunday, May. 29, 2016

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was on a holiday in another province with my partner and accidentally bumped into my guy's ex and his partner who were staying in the same hotel. We had dinner with them, since it seemed like the friendly and civilized thing to do, but soon there were sparks flying where there shouldn't have been. (By the way, we are both gay couples.) I noticed that my partner was flirting with his ex. There was no mistaking the nuances, inside jokes and references to old times.

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/05/2016 (3759 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was on a holiday in another province with my partner and accidentally bumped into my guy’s ex and his partner who were staying in the same hotel. We had dinner with them, since it seemed like the friendly and civilized thing to do, but soon there were sparks flying where there shouldn’t have been. (By the way, we are both gay couples.) I noticed that my partner was flirting with his ex. There was no mistaking the nuances, inside jokes and references to old times.

I was angry and whispered in my partner’s ear that I was leaving and stood to go, and he pulled my wrist down to stay. I said, “Don’t you manhandle me!” and took off for our room. He didn’t come back up to our room for two hours. When he got there I pretended to be sleeping. In the morning, he denied all wrongdoing and said I was rude. The rest of the holiday was OK, but lacked warmth.

We are back in Winnipeg and he’s still acting cold towards me. Do I owe him an apology as he says?

— Still Jealous and Hurting, Winnipeg

Dear Still Jealous and Hurting: The best defence is a good offence? Not really. That is your partner’s tactic, but it’s not working. By flirting over dinner and then staying two more hours after you left, he was insensitive and mean. He could have said honestly, “My partner has left because he feels we are flirting and his feelings are hurt. Here’s money for our half of dinner and please enjoy dessert on us. Bye now.” But instead, he chose to sit there with the other couple.

Now he’s got you to the point where you almost think this is your fault. Back away from that stance immediately. Have it out with him and have a full discussion where you express your true feelings and he expresses his, too. Flirting with old partners in front of a newer partner is very hurtful behaviour. Don’t let him get away with it by apologizing to him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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