Lack of different sexual flavours will snap him out of sulk

Opinion

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This article was published 10/09/2016 (3317 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband likes to dress up for sex and wear masks. It gives me a little thrill, and I can see it gives him a charge. Unfortunately, the cleaning lady came upon the mask collection in a cardboard box under the bed and took it down to the closet where we keep our Halloween stuff. She just dumped it off, and didn’t mention it.

Things were getting heated up the other night and my husband reached for his black Zorro mask and the box was gone. He thought I was sick of our erotic games and had thrown out our tickle trunk. He got all sulky and went in the living room to drink scotch. I kept denying I had done anything with the box. I said someone must have stolen the box, but that made no sense to him or me.

Today the cleaning lady came back again, and I asked her if she had removed anything from under the bed the week before. She said, “Oh yeah, I took your Halloween masks down to the basement and put them in the closet with the other Halloween stuff.” I went downstairs, brought it back up and slid it under our bed again. Later I told my husband, but he didn’t buy my story about the cleaning lady. Now what?

— Not Guilty, Westwood

Dear Not Guilty: It’s funny how some people love to have a good, long sulk. He probably knows you aren’t lying, but he’s been giving you such a hard time about it, he hates to admit he was wrong to disbelieve you. Don’t buy into this sulk anymore. Tell him, in a tolerant tone of voice: “If that’s what you want to believe, then go ahead, and we can have vanilla sex until the end of time. Too bad, because I enjoyed the spicier stuff with the masks. Oh well. Good night, darling!” He’ll come around as that percolates through his stubborn brain. Maybe not that night, but I’m betting within the week.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother and her boyfriend are an embarrassment. They act like teenagers and you never know when you’re going to come around the corner and catch them kissing. Now I’ve got a boyfriend too, and my mother caught us making out in the car in front of the house. She was coming from visiting a neighbour and rapped on the window and shook her finger to make us stop. Why is it OK for her and not for me?

— Mad As Hell Daughter, 15, Winnipeg

Dear Mad as Hell Daughter: I’m going to tell it to you straight: your mom and her boyfriend are old enough to be having a full sexual relationship, and smart enough to be using birth control. A parent’s biggest fear is her inexperienced daughter is going to get carried away with her boyfriend, have sex and get pregnant. That’s why she was trying to take the forward momentum out of the necking/petting session she happened upon by rapping on the window.

When you’re her age, you’ll be making love with your mate and worrying about your daughter having sex, getting pregnant and it causing long-lasting difficulties for her. Getting pregnant at 15 often stops a girl from getting a good education and a career since she has to be a full-time mother.

So talk to your mother openly about you and your boyfriend, and what you are doing or not doing about affection and sex. Tell her as long as you’re the car in front of the house, you’re certainly not doing anything that would get you pregnant. Then try to have a discussion with her about different methods of protection.

Often teens don’t mean to have sex the first time it happens and they don’t have any protection with them. They get all steamed up, and one or the other might say something foolish, such as, “It isn’t the right time of the month,” or, “Only once isn’t enough to get pregnant,” or “I love you and I’d never leave you.” And then it happens, and it can be over in three minutes, especially the first time. Not fun, and very dangerous.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m mostly a sweet guy, but have a very bad temper if my older brothers try to push me around. This year I became the biggest one of us physically and I’ve been lifting weights. It’s like they want to see if they can take me in a fight. They keep pushing it. I’m afraid if I let my temper go, I could break one of their jaws or an arm. I’m not kidding. How do I get them to stay off me?

— Youngest but Strongest, Winnipeg

Dear Youngest but Strongest: Talk to your most influential parent and explain what you told me. Ask that parent, or both of them, to tell the brothers to lay off because there could be some serious damage, and not just physical. Some young, angry guys in a family can lay a beating on another brother that is never forgiven or forgotten. You guys have come to that stage.

That’s a terrible lifetime price to pay for brothers who should love and support one another through life. That means your parents have to say there can be no more roughhousing or fighting at all in or outside the house.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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