Stash of clothes could be clue to secret lifestyle

Opinion

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This article was published 24/09/2016 (3304 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife has a stash of men’s clothing in the basement in her diminutive size. She is very short. I found it when I went down there to do some cleaning and organizing. I am freaking out! What should I do?

— Feeling Sick, Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Sick: Take her downstairs with you to show her your cleaning results. Lead her to the box, trunk or closet and say, without raising your voice, “I really need you to tell me what this stash of men’s clothing in your size is all about.” And then, listen for all you’re worth and ask a few short, important questions. Remember, you’re not learning anything when you’re doing the talking, not to mention being angry, accusing or theorizing. She has all the answers.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My live-in boyfriend left me a message that said, “I moved back with my family in the country and don’t come after me. I don’t love you anymore. You can keep whatever is in the apartment.” He also left me with one month of his half of the rent, but both of us are on the lease. Shouldn’t he pay out the lease? What should I do? Why did he leave? I only cheated on him once and I apologized 100 times for it.

— One Time Mistake, Fort Rouge

Dear One Time Mistake: Find a new roommate ASAP because fighting with this ex to try to get his half of the rent every month is probably going to be a hopeless case and a waste of time. Also, “don’t come after me” is a clear message; it’s not an invitation to go out to his family’s home and apologize for the 101st time. If you want to talk to your ex, try him once online and once on the phone. Just ask the questions you need answered, such as “Why did you leave?” I think you already know — cheating, even once, can ultimately drain a relationship of its juice. This romance is clearly finished, so it’s time to let go.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read about Unhappy Husband in Transcona with the hearing problem he is too vain to treat. Your answer was a bit blunt, but effective. This husband would be pleasantly surprised at how many people actually wear hearing aids today. Constant assault on our hearing in this day and age is creating more and more customers. Costco offers free hearing tests for its members. Most health insurance plans will cover a portion of their cost as well.

I can speak from experience to the benefit hearing aids have brought to my life. At first, your brain goes a bit wiggy at all of the previously forgotten sounds, or even sounds you didn’t even know were there. I have hereditary hearing loss and my hearing has been declining since my early 20s. I compensated by becoming proficient at reading lips. Ironically, Unhappy Husband discovered an awkward truth — people love talking to you because you give them all your attention and you receive scads of compliments for being such a good listener. If they only knew the truth — that you heard maybe 35 per cent of what they actually said. Shhhh… it’s the secret for people who are hard of hearing. My cousin discovered a way to poke holes in my lipreading proficiency — she covered her mouth when talking.

After a test, he’ll discover what type of hearing loss he has with the necessary recommendations to help him cope with it, work with it or, if he so chooses, pretend he doesn’t have anything wrong until it blows up in his face — and it will.

I’m in my early 40s and have happily adjusted to a better-than-my-normal hearing life with my hearing aids. It is an interesting time of self-discovery after rediscovering sounds I had forgotten about or had actually never heard. I didn’t know how bad my hearing was until I was tested and discovered I have moderate hearing loss. It was an eye-opener for sure, but I wouldn’t go back to a life without hearing aids.

Regardless, the only stigma Unhappy is feeling about wearing hearing aids — looking “old with wires hanging out of my hears” — is incorrect. I have a set of behind-the-ear aids, and honestly, nobody notices them unless they wear a pair themselves. The phenomenon after getting them is similar to the red car: once you’re driving one, you see there are thousands on the road. Then, you realize, it’s no big deal and carry on with your life.

Tell Unhappy there is no harm in getting himself checked out and even tryint to wear hearing aids for a while. He can always change his mind after and not use them, all of the power is his.

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: Thanks for taking the time to help. Unfortunately, it’s very hard to drag an unwilling adult to get their hearing checked. In that case, you can at least check out a hearing-loss test online. I might also mention most older musicians, especially those from rock bands, have suffered hearing loss and many wear invisible hearing aids as well as earplugs for their ears when they practise or play onstage, so he can join that sexy group.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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