Constant rejection in bed has him planning ahead

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/09/2016 (3298 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last night I refused my husband sex again. There was nothing unusual about that: I’m tired and he doesn’t bother with technique anymore. But this morning, he said as he put on his underwear: “I think this marriage is about finished.” I asked if it was about the night before and he said quietly, “No, it’s about the last 10 years of nights like that.”

On an impulse I asked if there was another woman in his life and there was a big pause before he said, “Not exactly.” I screamed, “What does that mean? We are still married! We have teenage kids!” He just walked out of the house and went to work. Please help me. — Going Crazy, River Heights

Dear Going Crazy: “Not exactly” could mean he has a sex buddy. That means someone else who wants and needs sexual warmth and satisfaction, but doesn’t want to break up their family home. Or he may have someone he has his eye on, but a relationship hasn’t materialized yet. Or he may have a full-fledged lover — emotional and physical — but neither has wanted to break up their homes.

When does a marriage end? For most men, the marriage feeling ends when the love has grown cold and they are constantly rejected in bed. They may stay for the kids, but it sure doesn’t feel like a marriage to them anymore. Most women think a marriage ends when one or both people announce it’s over, and it’s a kind of decision. They are often shocked to find out the partner, who has fallen out of love years ago, doesn’t feel particularly guilty about finding warmth, sex and love elsewhere.

Ask your husband if he will go to counselling with you, even to negotiate a more civil end to your relationship. That’s where you’ll learn a lot more truths about the status of your relationship over the years. The big benefit is a referee in the room who is trained to ask questions to get the whole story out from both sides and look for solutions, if it’s not too late. There are reasons you grew cold towards your husband. They will also be revealed in counselling. If your husband won’t go with you, go yourself. It’s worth trying.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Fibromyalgia Sufferer. The Optimum Health Clinic in London specializes in treating fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. They have had a great deal of success in treating thousands of people from around the world. While they do charge for their services, there is a lot of very good information on their website and many inspiring stories from people who were cured by their integrated approach of physical examination, nutrition and psychology. — Hoping to Help, Winnipeg

Dear Hoping to Help: I personally know a number of people who have told me — and have had many people write in — about how debilitating it is when your whole body is in pain and you only have a spoonful or two of energy in a day. I’m only passing on this information so people can check it out critically, as there are lots of bogus medical websites online alongside the good ones. People with fibromyalgia often do a lot of research on their own because their condition was pooh-poohed for years by many doctors and the public. In recent years, fibromyalgia has started to get some serious attention.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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