One-night love affair leads to loss of pricey underwear

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This article was published 11/03/2017 (3167 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MIS LONELYHEARTS: I had a one-night stand and left some of my expensive black-lace undies there. It has been two weeks and that guy hasn’t called me. The thing is, I would like to get my bra and panties back because they were expensive and very beautiful ($175 for the set). How do I phone him up and ask for them? I don’t want to send a message that could be passed around.

— Wanting My Lingerie, Tuxedo

Dear Wanting My Lingerie: See this for the silly situation it is. Pick up the phone and don’t act apologetic. Be funny. Ask this guy politely and confidently if he would please return your underwear, seeing as he probably wears a different style and size himself. Then laugh! If he lives in a place with a mailbox, ask him to leave them in a little bag for you. Or, you could ask him out for a drink, so he could return them personally. That kind of nerve and sense of humour should make both of you laugh. And that’s what many one-night stands are worth: a giggle.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart is broken and bleeding. I went out with this guy and started living with him after 10 months. He soon started talking about getting married. I was on board with the idea of a wedding, marriage and babies with him, and very excited! Then Christmas came and no engagement ring. Valentine’s Day came and still no ring. I cried in secret for a week, but then the dam broke and we fought about it. There was no remorse from him after that fight and, in fact, he completely stopped talking about any future with me.

A few days ago, I asked him where we stood in his mind. He didn’t even look up from the TV and said, “Same old, same old.” I was so hurt at his disrespectful response, I felt something bang shut. I think it was the door to my heart. I said, “Well, I have news that will change that same old, same old feeling for you. I’m outta here!”

Then he said something I’ll never forget. Still not looking up at me, he muttered, “Beat ya to it!” I asked him what he was talking about and he said he was out of our relationship already and found someone else.

“I haven’t touched her yet, but she wants me too. You and your big fancy wedding expectation make me so sick.”

The fight was on and we both said a lot of mean and nasty personal things. I started packing my bags and moving out. He just smiled as he stood in the doorway, watching me drag my last garbage bag full of stuff to the car. He said, “Thanks for saving me the trouble of having to ask you to get out.”

I hate him so much, but my best friend says if I have strong feelings like that, it means I still love him. Can you hate and love someone at the same time? Does this mean I love him and should fight for him?

— Hurting Badly and Mixed Up, St. Vital

Dear Hurting Badly and Mixed Up: You can have strong feelings that feel mostly like hate after a relationship has broken up during a mean and ugly fight. The feelings may be a mixture of old love which is slowly dying, plus new anger and disgust, which helps to hurry the process.

This relationship was not the kind that would last a lifetime, from his side at least, so be glad you didn’t marry him. Ignore your friend’s advice and let this man go. See a psychologist or relationship counsellor to get your feelings out and work through the breakup more quickly. If money is a problem, free Klinic walk-in counselling is available at 545 Broadway, but call 204-784-4067 ahead for their hours.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My younger wife is old-fashioned and wouldn’t move in until the day after our honeymoon. And she wants to stay home and have babies right away. She had two big trucks deliver her stuff and her pets arrived with her parents. We never talked about the small pets at the family house. I thought the hamsters belonged to her brother and the bird from the living room was her dad’s because he was always on his shoulder, but no. I only expected the old cat to come with her. Her family kept the dog and one younger cat.

This place is a freakin’ zoo now, and the bird never stops squawking. My wife says they’ll settle down, but the bird screeches, the cat meows and the hamster runs in his squeaking wheel all the damn night. This is not what I signed on for and it’s a very uncomfortable situation. I want to put all the pets down in the basement, but she says no way. How can I get my peace and quiet back?

— Tricked Bachelor, River Heights

Dear Tricked Bachelor: Why did your wife never bring up the fact she was moving in with a bunch of pets? Did she assume you knew or did she squeak this by you? That’s unfair behaviour, but what’s done is done at this point. You’re no longer a bachelor, bud. The pet problem can’t be fixed unless your bride leaves and takes her menagerie with her. Good news: you can put the hamster downstairs at night and cover the bird’s cage.

Let’s try to put a positive spin on your married life with wife and pets: have you never known the joy of loving pets and having them love you back? If not, you’ve missed a lot and you should at least give it a try. Consider yourself in training for more noise. What are you going to do when the crying babies come along? Love them, and put up with it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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