Crush on masseuse will rub wife the wrong way

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/03/2017 (3501 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have been going to this young masseuse and she’s amazing. So talented and fun! I don’t want my wife to hear too much praise about her or she’ll start going to her, too. Then I’m in trouble because this angel of a woman is drop-dead gorgeous.

The trouble in her life is she needs more business and she gave me a bunch of her cards to give out, but I’m afraid to share her with the guys I play sports with. They would crowd up her schedule after they experienced what she can do with a tired, sore body, with all the aches and pains of middle age.

My friends are stressed at work and push themselves too hard to try to stay young, but are always complaining about the pain. I feel like a kid in a sandbox with the best toys. It don’t know whether to share her cards or not.

— Old Enough To Know Better, Winnipeg

Dear Old Enough To Know Better: You sound like you have a large crush on this masseuse, my friend.

It would be far better to share the cards and save your marriage than not to share them and have time and privacy to build up an even bigger crush and try to hustle this young lady, or think you’re going to. Women in their 20s who get hit on by middle-aged men usually respond with “Ewww.” I get their letters.

So by all means, share the business cards from this masseuse with everyone you know, including your wife and her friends, and keep yourself from straying, ultimately getting caught and losing everything. What’s more likely is the young masseuse will notice what was going on with you, emotionally and physically, and suddenly find she has no appointment spots for you, ever.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel strange writing to you at this point in my life when I have never needed to ask anyone for personal advice before, but I’m in dire need of help and can’t deny it any longer. I’ve been married twice. Both marriages failed and the women didn’t know the real reason why.

I’m quite charming and easy to get along with, but underneath it all I’m gay.

Bisexual, I guess, but I feel like I served my time on the straight side. I can’t quite fall in love with women, though I can function adequately with them. I am very attracted to men and feel romantic toward certain men in my life in a way I never felt with a woman. I think it may be what love really feels like.

Now I’m wondering if I should come out and what it will mean. I’m lucky to have my own business, so no one can fire me. What do you think? How do you do it?

— Tired of the Dark Closet, Downtown

Dear Tired of the Dark Closet: Access the Rainbow Resource Centre online. Read up about all the support services they offer and you’ll find lots of help from experienced people. They’re located at 170 Scott St., and open weekdays; the phone number is 204-474-0212. You don’t say how old you are, but they even have a 55-plus social support group. You really shouldn’t bury your true sexuality by getting married again to another woman. It isn’t fair to the lady or to yourself, and the time has come to be yourself. That’s why you’re feeling such strong internal pressure.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a friend when I was a boy I loved like a brother. He moved out east and although I never forgot about him, I never phoned him. I thought of him often. Then I found out he died. He used to call me once in while and say, “Call me back sometime,” but that time never came.

Do you think it would be OK to phone his widow and tell her what a great guy he was in my youth and how I will never forget him, or will I be the jerk friend who never got in touch with him and she knew that hurt him? — Lousy Friend, West Kildonan

Dear Lousy Friend: Forget about your own fearful feelings and call his widow and tell her nice things about him, some fun stories she might not know and memories you have. She might have a few tears on the phone, but she will be glad to hear about what a great guy he was to his old friend from childhood. She’s not going to hang up on you, so just do it. It’s the right thing.

She might ask you to explain who you are to start with, so tell her that right after you say hello.

Then tell her your all your nice memories, feelings and how you sympathize with her and the family and friends who will miss him. Don’t spend another moment dithering.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography