Bodybuilder may have blown it with lame insult

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This article was published 22/03/2017 (3489 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love to pump weights and the woman I first married loved it, too. That relationship bit the dust because we married too young. I’m a musician and saw a lot of women during the past six years before I recently fell in love again with a new woman. She hadn’t said anything about my muscles since we started dating last fall. She seemed to get off on my long hair and guitar-playing.

Last night, she got drunk and confessed she thinks my muscles are “goofy-looking” and “a bit much.” She made a face when she said it. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious. I asked her why she didn’t say anything sooner and she replied: “Well, there’s other things I like about you, but I’m too drunk to think of anything.”

I said, “Well, baby, there’s a few things I could criticize about your body, but I’m too much of a gentleman to mention them.” Then she got all defensive and put on her coat.

I said, “It’s going to take a longer coat than that to cover your fat ankles.” Then she went out to her car and took her fat ankles home, maybe for good. Now what? Please write back ASAP. I don’t know what to say or do next and she’s not calling. I miss her.

— Is It Finished? St. Boniface

Dear Is it Finished: This rates as a lovers’ tiff, complicated by insults to the body. That old saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me,” is untrue. Words hurt worse, and last longer.

You two have both insulted aspects of each other’s bodies that won’t be changed. You could try making a list of everything you like about this girlfriend and give it to her with a dozen roses and an apology card if you want her back that badly — but don’t stop going to the gym.

Body-building is a part of you, a part of that you love and the way you like to look. It can’t hurt on stage, either. Do you really want to deflate your muscles and have skinny/flabby regular musculature for her, or anybody? And is there anything she can do about her fat ankles? Wear socks to bed? Ridiculous. You can be sure she won’t be getting new ankles for you, either.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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