Kiss nothing more than a stolen moment

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This article was published 28/03/2017 (3144 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a very nice man when I was out behind a bar having a smoke. I’d had a little to drink and so had he, so we laughed and talked and then he kissed me before we went back inside. It was a great kiss. Then he totally ignored me.

I asked him him for a dance finally and he said, “Sorry, can’t.” What did that mean? His legs no longer worked? I was so shocked he turned me down. I’m told I’m a good-looking woman. Why would he refuse me? At the end of the night, I saw him leaving with a woman and they were holding hands. What happened? — Lusted and Left, Downtown

Dear Lusted and Left: I’m guessing that was a stolen kiss outside his relationship. He probably went to the club with that woman, but he had a flirtation with you in the alley. Once he got back inside, he had to keep his lips to himself. He probably couldn’t dance with you because his girlfriend may have seen you two come back in together. People notice suspicious signs between flirting people such as pink cheeks, a side glance, sparkling eyes and a guilty look.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read your letter from Need a Natural Upper and my heart went out to this person. (The writer found it hard to get back to normal after visiting her mother, whose memory is seriously impaired.)

One of the hardest things to do is care for a loved one once they start to lose their mental faculties. Fortunately, my mother prepared me, so, when she got to the point where she needed care, I kind of knew what to expect.

When I would return from visiting my mom, my workmates would ask how she was. I’d tell them something crazy she did, or who she thought I was (it could be anyone). Some of them would exclaim,”Oh no! How did you handle that?” I would laugh and tell them I was whoever she wanted me to be that day. It even became kind of fun.

My mission in visiting my mom was to have her laugh and leave her with a smile on her face. Everyone at work would start talking about experiences they had with older loved ones.

Someone suggested I write a book, so I did. It’s called Not Ready To Go, Yet! about different ways people have dealt with these problems. The book is available at McNally Robinson Booksellers and through amazon.com. Thank you. — Elizabeth Dzioba

Dear Elizabeth Dzioba: Thanks for sharing some of your stress-relieving skills with us here. Your book could be a helpful resource for people experiencing stress, embarrassment and emotional pain from their experiences, and have been keeping it all inside.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is another thought for the Need A Natural Upper discussion: if a person’s parent is still at home, they should get home care involved as soon as possible. They can decide then when to suggest moving to a care home, which is big step, and can be met with lots of resistance.

My mom was also very difficult and hard to deal with and starting to wander. We had to take that step for our own health and hers. Within a few months, she settled in, but I initially had to limit my visits because I was now the bad daughter. The thing to remember is this is not your parent speaking, but the disease. — Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: It’s sad how often the person who handles most of the visiting and care and who ends up making the tough decisions, often becomes labelled the “bad daughter” or “bad son” for a time, or forever, or until they are no longer recognized.

The one who has the least to do with the patient, such as a son or daughter who lives out of town, sometimes becomes the sainted one and that can cause trouble between the siblings.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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