OK, tigers — time to take turns being in charge in the bedroom

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/03/2017 (3476 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My lover and I are both dominant personalities and naturally gravitate to wanting the dominant position in sexual adventures. He usually wins because I let him, but I want more of a 50-50 deal. Neither of us is very good at submission, but he’s hopeless. We often end up like two tigers in the sack, which is fun, but the constant competition is tiring. Don’t tell me to relax and be his full-time submissive. Getting him to be my sub is a struggle. Got any suggestions?

— Unhappy With Imbalance, Downtown

Dear Unhappy With Imbalance: Take these decisions out of both your hands. When you want to play power games in bed, reach into a special box in your bedroom and draw for positions for the night. You can also have a paper you draw where one position turns into another, in the development of the scene, so you both get a chance to be dominant. That should restore some balance. Good luck, tigers!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been told I laugh in my sleep and I wonder if there is any problem with this, other than my partner waking up because I’m laughing out loud. She says she thinks it’s cute even though it wakes her up. I wonder if she’s just being nice. Should I worry about this?

— Sleep Laugher, Transcona

Dear Sleep Laugher: You can relax. The general term for sleep laughter is hypnogely, and it’s a disruption in REM sleep cycles, though not considered a health problem. People who experience laughter during sleep are often reacting to dreams. The situation is considered harmless, unless you’re waking up tired from noctural laughfests. So don’t worry, be happy! Your girlfriend isn’t upset. Things could be a lot worse than having a happy partner who has funny dreams.

On a personal note, my mother told me my dad used to wake up, say something funny, roll over and go back to sleep. Then she’d start laughing and fall back to sleep.

She said it was fun, laughing in the middle of the night.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young son is OK with his little sister, but he wasn’t all that pleased that she was born a girl when he really wanted a brother. To my surprise, I am already pregnant again and we are expecting another baby girl. I sat down to talk to my son about my growing tummy, and he said I had to promise him it was a brother. When I told him I was sorry, but it was a girl again, he cried his eyes out. He said, “I don’t want two sisters. I told you I wanted a brother.” I don’t know what to say to him.

— Mom Who Disappoints, Windsor Park

Dear Mom Who Disappoints: Step up efforts to get him more boy playmates in the neighbourhood that he can see regularly, so he isn’t so concerned about you supplying a brother for him. Explain that a baby brother wouldn’t be much of a playmate for a long time, anyway. Explain that you don’t get to choose whether you have a boy or girl.

Does he have male cousins who could come over more? Do any readers have ideas to help? Please write in to the address below.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was compelled to pass on something that helped me come to terms with feelings like those described by Upset by Others’ Feelings (the woman who saw a bird kill a struggling rodent and felt the terrible feelings of the prey all night, and feels other people’s feelings).

Elaine N. Aron wrote a book about The Highly Sensitive Person and she may be one of the people of the type described in that book. I feel that being a highly sensitive person is tied to empath: it is sensitivity to everything, including the pain others feel. Reading the book helped me to understand why I suffer from what I consider to be excessive empathy. I knew something was different about me from an early age and finding this book changed my life. I only wish I had read it many years ago. I hope this helps. In any case I think you should be aware of this condition. Please look into it.

— Been There, Felt That, Winnipeg

Dear Been There, Felt That: Thanks for writing to offer your help. I have read another helpful book for empaths called Are You Really Too Sensitive? How to Develop and Understand Your Sensitivity As the Strength It Is by Marcy Calhoun, and I think it would be encouraging for some people.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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