Ex is flirty online,but won’t take next step

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This article was published 25/05/2017 (3090 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out my old love from high school is single again, though not yet divorced. He is still gorgeous in his pictures, though about 20 years older now. We have exchanged friendly and flirty Facebook messages, but when I asked to chat with him on the phone where we could hear each other’s voices, he said he wasn’t ready for that yet. What the heck does that mean?

I’m divorced and new to the dating world, too, and can’t decode that. What’s the big deal about a phone call?

— Not Allowed One Phone Call, Winnipeg

Dear Not Allowed One Phone Call: There are several possibilities here. 1) He may be talking to a string of women online trying to keep them all casual. 2) He may have a girlfriend right now and she may even have existed before the end of his marriage. 3) He may be dating another contact or two for sex and fun since he moved out and doesn’t want a real relationship yet.

A lot of people rush into the first romances they can get after the years of low or no sexual fun and affection. As long as you’re one of the “un-real” people online, this guy from your past can justify typing and chatting. The minute he hears your voice you become more real.

The final scenario — somewhat uglier for you — is he is still living in the house with his wife, hoping for a reconciliation. That’s a half separation and nothing you would want to get involved in, if you’re a smart lady.

Tell me, who broke up with whom long ago? Did you really hurt the guy? He may never be ready to take another chance with you when you hurt him, left him behind and chose another guy to get serious with. If it’s the other way around, he may be remembering the things that irked him about you, which caused him to break up with you. You need to let him know you have changed, if you have indeed changed in those ways. People do grow up, and often for the better, though not always.

Bottom line: if he was interested, he would call you to hear your voice. So leave him your phone number, and then the ball is in his court. Then carry on with your life without chasing him and flirting online.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate one of my Grade 12 teachers and need to say or do something, but my mark in her class is totally in her hands. She has been cruel to me most of the year — hurting and humiliating me — and I don’t think she should get away with it. Every year she picks on a new girl to be jealous of — usually a good-looking one — and makes her nasty digs in front of the class all year, trying to get them to laugh at her. I was miserable in her class from early on this year. The trouble is, I need good marks to go where I want to go in university. What should I do, and what should be my timing?

— Not Letting This Go, Winnipeg

Dear Not Letting This Go: Be practical and protect your future. Get your marks back and get out of school before you do anything. Then make a choice: you can speak to her personally or take it to someone higher with authority, such as the principal. List all the nasty cracks she made to you in a letter you take with you, and state that other girls in her classes have been picked on in recent years with the same kind of remarks. If you’re going to complain to someone else, first make sure this teacher is not buddies with that person. If your parents are aware of this, and you’re going to see the principal, consider taking one or both of them with you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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