Crush on stepfather a no-win situation

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/05/2017 (3085 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 13 and in love, but I’m in love with the wrong person — I’m in love with my stepfather, who just married my mother. He doesn’t know it or at least he doesn’t act like he does. How can he miss it? I’m the younger version of my mom, 20 pounds thinner with the same hair, only not dyed like hers.

He and I are a lot alike as we love the same music and everything. My mother and him do lots of sports and other activities. I wish he would take me to a big concert. I asked him and he didn’t seem very enthusiastic. Finally, he said, “If your mom came too, we could do it.” I asked why she had to come, and he said because he loves her. That’s what makes me wonder if maybe he has some idea I have a crush on him. What do you think? — Love Him Too Much, Transcona

Dear Love Him Too Much: You should get busy looking for a guy your own age who is much like your stepfather, since you like his type so much. You must understand he has many more points of connection with your mother besides music and attraction, and he clearly doesn’t want her young daughter flirting with him. He may have talked to her about that already. You may get a seriously embarrassing lecture from your mom if you continue flirting with him.

There’s nothing wrong with liking another guy of his type who’s your age, so get busy looking at school for a guy who reminds you of your stepfather in looks and music taste, and set your sights on him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a scruffy guy at the mall when I was having coffee the other day. Oddly, he came right over and sat down with me. We talked about the weather and sports, just general things. Then he asked if I recognized him and I admitted I didn’t. He told me he was in my homeroom class twice in high school.

He told me his name and I looked beyond the grey beard and glasses and saw his very blue eyes — and I remembered. I heard some years ago that he hadn’t done well in life. I also remembered he was the most popular guy in our grade, the best-looking, too, and played guitar. All the girls liked him. He talked honestly about his life, which he lost to drugs and alcohol by the time he was 25. I felt so sad for him. He had everything back then: brains, looks, music and a good family.

We all drank and smoked up in those days. We had no idea some of us wouldn’t make it through that phase and go on to greater things. He had really nice parents, too, who must have been heartbroken.

I just want to warn kids out there you never know who among you won’t be able to resist. Not everybody is stronger than the strange pull of alcohol and drug addiction. — Saddened School Mate, North Kildonan

Dear Saddened School Mate: Yes, I also knew one or two kids were in trouble with liquor when we were young and going to school dances and parties and sneaking into pubs. But none of us could guess how many would become addicted to what we considered party drinks, not to mention other substances. It doesn’t matter how good your parents were or how smart you were in school, the potential you had simply gets buried by the addiction. It is very sad.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography