Keep mouth shut about old friend’s infidelity

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/07/2017 (3042 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw a couple at a park just outside the city who shouldn’t have been together. They were in the parking lot, busy making out beside their two vehicles. I know the woman well, and the address on the work truck told me it was exactly who I thought the man was. I tried to get out of the parking lot slowly and unnoticed, but just as I was driving by they came up for air and she saw me.

She had been an old friend of mine, years ago. This morning I saw her phone number trying to call me, and I ignored it. She left a message saying: “You’ll be sorry if you tell! I know about your life, too.” I told her about an affair I had way in the beginning of my marriage, but I’ve been true for 15 years now. How do I reply to her threat? She’s the type to hit back hard if I told on her.

— Furious Former Friend, St. Norbert

Dear Furious Former Friend: So keep quiet. You owe her one. Leave her a return message saying her secret is safe with you, and leave it at that. There’s no room for you to jump on your high horse since you cheated, too, and she’s carried that secret for years. Look the other way, even if you’re shocked. That’s your only choice.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m too generous for my own good, and people take advantage of it. I’ve reached my limit! It’s my 65th birthday coming up, and my family and friends want a party, but I have to organize it. I told them it’s a potluck and that didn’t receive a good reaction. I usually do all the clean up and buy the liquor, too. They bring a little beer and then drink my wine.

This past Sunday, my sister phoned me up to go golfing. I always bring snacks and coolers. My sister brings some, too, but always conveniently runs out and then proceeds to drain me dry. One time I didn’t take out snacks or coolers, but she had eight water bottles filled with lemonade and vodka and didn’t offer my husband or me one. If I make a family dinner for eight, they’ll bring in a bagged salad or a bag of cookies for dessert. I do tell them what to bring, but they want everything from me.

I belong to a group of ladies and we meet for coffee every day, and on Fridays I bring in homemade cookies. I asked once if someone else wanted to share anything and it was like I said a dirty word.

One more thing: eight of us went golfing and decided to throw some money in the pot and pick up chicken for home. Great. It was at my sister’s, but we had to pop home to get our dog, which took 15 minutes. When we got to her place they had eaten all the chicken and there was only salad left. They thought this was hilarious.

— Too Generous For Own Good, Winnipeg

Dear Too Generous For Own Good: You have playing the martyr for a long time, with every group you know. Why? You have chosen to accept and socialize with cheapskates, family and otherwise. They laugh at your generosity and you know it. Why do you keep socializing with those people? Let’s not go on criticizing them anymore, unless you enjoy being the victim. Don’t give more to buy friendship from this lot. Start by cancelling this birthday potluck and don’t provide a reason, except you’re having dinner out somewhere really nice.

You think it’s hard to find new friends? Yes, it’s a bit lonely at first, but if you join a new golf group and other clubs that suit your hobbies and interests, you will build a new world of friends where you never overgive to buy friendships. Just don’t start doing that this time. Choose generous, classier friends and behave as their equal, not a food and service provider.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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