Don’t let former lover destroy new marriage

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This article was published 23/07/2017 (3034 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I should probably go jump off a cliff. A new woman has been hired for a special project on a contract basis at our business. She is a woman from my past who ruined my first marriage.

She is the best at what she does in her field, and I suppose I should be grateful to have her on board business-wise, as this company is about to skyrocket and she has the charm and the know-how to market it to the moon.

But underneath, I am a kind of kinky guy sexually and can’t resist her, unless she is nowhere near me. I have no doubt she got herself hired on here purposely.

The last time we worked together, she put a spell on me! I got my sanity back over time and I’m married again to a very nice woman. I was doing well again in a normal marriage, and that took considerable head shrinkage for my sex addiction.

Who knew she would pop up again? She will place no value on my marriage and make me her sex slave again. I can just feel it. What can I do to protect myself from her? I can’t ask the boss to un-hire her. I have to man up this time and keep her off me, but I know the moment she walks into the place with her hot body and dominant airs, I will want to be sutured to her body. She affects me worse than heroin. She had me doing a lot of risky stuff at work, which was the most exciting sex of my life. I need help badly, and fast. — Weakening, Winnipeg

Dear Weakening: You need to run back to see your psychiatrist or psychologist to strengthen your resistance to this woman. You need to find some things you don’t like about her and focus on them.

If you can find some things about her are that are repugnant, it could start the ball rolling toward finding her less attractive when she arrives. If you can imagine her glee when she destroys the happiness of the woman you love, you may feel a sense of disgust toward her. Picture her like a black widow spider.

You really have to figure out what you value most — your new wife — and not let your attraction to this woman who has no scruples destroy her happiness. Picture the first wife you loved, who was left crying because of this nasty woman. You need to get into emergency counselling right now. Request special ways to counter your dominant ex-lover’s moves that you will remember from the last time. And please don’t give yourself the excuse that you’re helpless.

You got over this lover once and you may not even find her as attractive the next time you see her. Remember, you will have to learn how to control your emotions if you want to protect your marriage and not have this spider sting the love between you and your wife to death.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My cousin, a single dad, and his teenage boys came to visit us here in Winnipeg for 10 days, and when they left, my kids had changed. They are suddenly challenging everything my husband and I say.

We found pot and some kind of drug paraphernalia under our oldest’s mattress when our dog kept sniffing around it. There was a six pack of beer under our youngest boy’s bed. He isn’t one bit remorseful and has developed a big attitude. He says he’ll move in with his cousins if we kick him out. He says he already knows that they will take him in.

Who does he think he is now, and what did these boys do to my kids while they were here? My husband is an innocent nerd. It was me who discovered this drug and alcohol stuff, and me, the stronger disciplinarian, they are standing up to. What should I say to them? Nothing is working. I am at a loss. — Very Upset, Charleswood

Dear Very Upset: Phone your cousin for a big talk. It’s highly unlikely he would want two more boys moving in with them. He needs to know this is what his kids are saying, though.

Once he says there is no way they would be moving in with him, you have ammunition with your boys.

Tell the kids you both want and need them at home, and they need to finish school. They will not be receiving any financial help if they move out at this point.

Also tell this cousin exactly what his kids are into, as he may not know. Lots of parents don’t have a clue what their own kids are up to.

As for the teenagers giving you attitude, don’t rise to the bait. Tell them the rules at your house, and give them an idea of how much money they will need per month should they really decide to move out, plus what kind of pay they can expect from low-level jobs and no post-secondary training or education.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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