Spice up marriage with blanket games of your own

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This article was published 25/07/2017 (3354 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband, age 44, has been getting in the car and going to the public beach when he could easily swim off our dock with the kids, as we always do.

A friend of mine goes there with her kids and spotted him there a few times. She said he seemed to have made friends there, most of them females.

I decided to go to the beach, and see these new “friends.” He was sitting on a blanket with two 30-ish babes in bikinis, so I just let him continue.

Finally, I walked over and said to the girls, “I just came to collect my wandering husband.”

He was furious that I made a scene and I hauled him home. I am freaking furious that he was down there making a scene blanket-hopping.

And his wedding ring was nowhere to be seen, because about a month ago he said he couldn’t wear it because it was causing irritation to his finger. I made him put it back on. What now? — Giving the Finger to That, Lake of the Woods

Dear Giving the Finger to That: You successfully broke up that little ruse, but there is deeper work to be done here. Is your husband going through a mid-life crisis? They do exist, particularly for men, but also for women. People start thinking: “Is this all there is to my life?”

So how is the marriage going, other than the co-parenting? Have you done anything exciting together lately? Had any adventures? Made any plans? Do the two of you exchange compliments anymore? Do you have a future dream together? Most importantly, are you still having sex? You have no idea how many couples don’t have sex much after having kids.

Boredom is the creeping enemy of every marriage. It’s time both of you took stock and talked about your love for each other, try to work out any problems and have more fun together, in bed and out.

Try to make that infuriating beach incident a springboard for a better marriage instead of something to keep ragging on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I recently went for dinner with old friends of his. He has known his friend since they were children. When we got married, we were each allowed to invite one friend, as it was a small wedding. My husband invited this couple.

Now their son is getting married. Over the dinner, the wife casually mentioned they are having this wonderful wedding and that she hoped I didn’t mind, but we won’t be included because they had to cut the list.

I was so upset. Why even bring it up? To add insult to injury, she boasted about the affair.

Am I being too sensitive, or was the wife out of line? My husband agrees with me that this was in poor taste, but I just don’t know what to think. — Upset, River Heights

Dear Upset: What a cruel and thoughtless thing to do. This woman is not your friend, nor is her husband, who should have at least cut the conversation off and changed the subject.

Her remarks were insensitive and in strangely poor taste. They both had to know she was hurting you and your husband.

So why did you sit there and take it, as this woman told the exciting details for the wedding? You should have said, “Why are you going on about this wedding when you just told us you cut us from the list?” That way you would let her be the uncomfortable one as she struggled for an answer.

She is not a good friend to you two, and it’s my guess you won’t be dining with them again anyway.

Your husband may want to keep seeing the man for a drink as they are old friends and it is the wife who is the most insensitive, but think of this: that husband is a weakling for not having insisted on you being on the wedding-guest list in the first place.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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