Believe him when he says once was enough

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This article was published 08/08/2017 (3291 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met a crazy man who speaks the absolute truth to everyone he meets. We were at a family wedding, and he’s a friend of my brother’s. Somebody was delicately commenting on my brilliant orange silk dress and he said, “I think it makes you look like a big silky pumpkin!” I am a rounded woman, but I didn’t find it insulting. It was refreshing. Everybody tiptoes around my size, but I’m fine with it and dress as flamboyantly as I feel.

I had a little more to drink and kept listening to his remarks. Then I approached him and asked why he was so outspoken. He said he couldn’t stand lying because of his parents who were nice to each other in front of him, but divorced as soon as he moved out.

I told him I wanted to go out with him, and he answered that he wanted to have sex with me. When I didn’t look shocked, he said, “How about dinner and then sex, or the other way around?” We had a wonderful time with no pretence, but then he didn’t call. Finally, I called him and he said that it was nice getting to know me and that I was great in bed, but once was enough for him. I can’t stop thinking about him. What should I do? I honestly want to call him up, but he already said once was enough. Should I try? — Risk It? North Kildonan

Dear Risk it: I doubt he was lying. But, if you need a cold bucket of water poured over your head, you might give it a whirl. What if he told you he only wanted to see you for sex since that’s what he liked about you best? What would you say? My suggestion would be to say: “Not good enough! Bye-bye.”

Don’t be so impressed by his brutal truth-telling. He also gets kicks out of shocking people and hurting them. His 100 per cent truth telling was borne out of bitterness at the way his parents behaved. They don’t represent the rest of the world. This man needs some therapy to gentle his truth telling — not to be a liar, but to learn to be kinder.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A woman with new wealth is the mother of my new girlfriend. I met her at their deluxe summer home last weekend. She was very much into bragging about the place, as if it were a castle. It was nice, modern, professionally decorated and cold. It certainly didn’t have any cottage character.

My girlfriend seemed cowed by her mother, who talked down to her in front of me. The mother, who was blatantly flirting with me, assigned us two separate bedrooms, but I cut in and said we couldn’t stay the night since we had reservations elsewhere. Her mother looked shocked that someone wouldn’t want to stay at their palace.

After we stayed the afternoon and left, I was relieved. My girlfriend visibly relaxed as well. I asked her if her whole life had been like that, and she said it wasn’t always like that. She said they didn’t have any money until her dad made some lucky investments when she was a teenager and she thought the money went to her mother’s head. Is it true that you marry the family when you marry the daughter? I would hate to be closely associated with my new lady’s mother, but I’m quite serious about this girlfriend. Any suggestions? — Shocked By the Mother, Lake of the Woods

Dear Shocked By the Mother: A lot of problems can be avoided by not living too close to a difficult parent, sometimes just on the other side of town. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem to be like her mother, so you wouldn’t be married to the junior version. Obviously, you’re not intimidated by this mother, so that might be just what your lady needs — a shield. It could work between you, as long as you’re not also intimidating to your girlfriend after awhile — she already has one difficult parent.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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