Girlfriend needs to know you won’t leave husband

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/11/2017 (2891 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my husband, but I love my girlfriend too. He thinks she’s just a platonic friend, but when we go camping together we sleep in the same bed, which we also do during summer visits and two-week trips in the winter.

As far as he knows, we are just best friends, not lovers.

Should I tell him?

I’m getting pressure from her now that she has broken up with her husband. It would break my husband’s heart, so I’m quite comfortable not telling him she’s part of my private life, but she’s pushing harder and harder.

She doesn’t realize how much I love him, and how precious he is to me as the great father to our kids. I could not tell her I love him more than her, because I don’t.

I love them both in different ways, just as you love your kids in different ways, but equally.

How do I explain this to her, and not lose her in the process? What if she loses it and goes to my husband to fight to get me from him? Please advise ASAP.

— Seriously Worried, Brandon

Dear Seriously Worried: You’re going to have to tell your girlfriend you won’t be leaving your husband for her because of the family unit. Tell her you will not live with her if she causes a breakup with your husband, and he kicks you out.

If she seems like she’s ready to blow the whistle, you may want to tell your husband first what’s going on. She might not like it, but that’s the reality, and she has to know.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s this guy who lives a block over, but parks near my spot in the back lane.

We have proceeded from saying hi in the morning to becoming friends on Facebook. He accepted me as a friend, but doesn’t write anything I can see.

Should I ask him about that, or just ask him out for coffee or something?

— Got the Warmies for Him, Windsor Park

Dear Got the Warmies for Him: Why not just ask him out for coffee, get your yes or no, and be able to advance or let this go.

You’re wasting a lot of time on a guy who doesn’t seem to be making any moves himself.

That’s not being cool, it’s more like uninterested. Winter is a good time to invest time in warmer relationships than this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spit in the face of my younger brother who is a jerk, and he slapped me across the back, and then we hit the floor fighting.

Our mother found out by looking at our injuries, and grounded us both for a week. She has to work until 6 p.m. every night, so we go where we want, and usually have a deal not to tell on each other.

But tonight my brother squealed on me for not being home after school, and my mother is grounding me for another week. When I said he was sneaking out too, she didn’t believe me, since I have been caught lying in the past.

Since nobody believes me, I feel like I might as well sneak and do bad things. What do you think?

— Not a Total Liar, My Bedroom in North End

Dear Not a Total Liar: It’s time to hit the reset button with your mother and your brother.

First, imagine how much better it would be to live together with everybody trusting, and enjoying each other’s company, instead of fighting. Tell your mom that you want to have a family talk. She will be shocked to hear that, but interested, too.

You can start off by saying this little speech from a paper: “I want us to make some simple rules for our family, and I’ll start by saying I won’t be spitting anymore. It’s childish, and I’m sorry for that. Also, I am going to start telling the truth all the time, whether people like it or not, so be careful. In return, I would like to make a deal with my brother not to hit him or do anything violent. I also want him not to be a tattle tale, and I will not do things he feels he has to tell you, mom. If this is too much for anybody to deal with right away, think about it please, and let’s talk again in a week.”

They will be in shock, but it’s a good start.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dog is really nasty to strangers, and I tell people not to approach him. But they start in with the “Here doggie” stuff and he ends up snapping at them, and they look offended and righteous. I tell them that I warned them, and they walk off in a huff.

He doesn’t bark and disturb the neighbourhood, but the stubborn idiot who lives across the back lane keeps trying to befriend him through the chain-link fence with treats, and won’t stay away. I love my dog. He had a hard early life, and he’s a one-person dog. What should I do?

— Frustrated By Idiots, Winnipeg

Dear Frustrated by Idiots: Your dog doesn’t need to see a continual march of strangers down the back lane, and this guy in particular. Build a wooden interior fence across the back in the spring, so he doesn’t have that stress. Even a plastic snow fence now would block some vision from the lane. If your dog has a house or shelter, turn it around so it faces away from the back lane. Finally, when you take him for a walk, go to less popular streets for dog walkers. It will be less interesting for you, but better for him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6