Relationship was purring, but now it’s a catfight

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This article was published 23/02/2018 (3159 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My cat has been known to give love bites to people he likes after licking their hand for a bit. But I recently got a new boyfriend in my life and my cat hates him. Yesterday, my new guy came over and sat down on the sofa where my cat likes to lie — the exact spot. My very big cat — looks kind of like a dog — walked right over to him where he was holding his hand, saying, “Here kitty, kitty!” Then he bit him. I saw it happen. He just opened up his mouth and it was not a love bite.

My boyfriend yelled “Get rid of that cat!”

He said he wasn’t “sticking around for more of this crap with a vicious cat.” I said, “I can’t give him away. I’ve had him since he was a kitten. Why don’t you get out of his spot on the couch?” and my boyfriend said, “His spot? Your cat owns a spot on the couch? You know what you are? A crazy cat lady!” and he walked out. Miss L. this is the first boyfriend I’ve had in three years. What should I do? — Man Versus Cat, River Heights

Dear Versus: Don’t fret, pet. This guy is not “The One.” But you do have to correct the problem with the cat so you can attract a man who’s a “keeper” — one who likes cats — and keep your love safe from cat bites. That means piling new decor pillows upright on the old favourite cat spot and then creating a new favourite spot for your cat, like a cat perch way up by the window — worth the money. Don’t encourage this cat to sit beside you on the couch until he finds a spot he prefers.

Cats can be tricked, you know. They love sleeping in an open drawer (put a discarded unwashed old sweater in it), a cardboard box with a soft blanket you’ve used or a half-open closet with soft, old clothes and stinky shoes. Your cat loves your natural stinky animal smell — not laundry soap or perfume.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man I love with all my heart. Unfortunately for me, he’s in a committed gay relationship and won’t have anything to do with me except as “a dear friend.” I’m sick of being his dear friend. I’m also a gay man, but have no lover.

This beautiful man and I share all our secrets and are much more intimate with each other in speech than with anyone else.

We see each other every day at work and are inseparable as friends. He complains about his live-in lover all the time. Anyway, I just told him I couldn’t be just his best buddy much longer, that it was hurting me too much. I said I’d have to push away, and you know what he said? “Go ahead and push away. You’ll be back.” And then he laughed a mean laugh.

I hate him so much for that, because he’s right! He’s my best friend in the world, and my only close friend. I love him and he knows he can have his live-in lover and me.

His man is way better looking than I am, but he doesn’t share anything with his partner except a few laughs, fine wines and sex. It’s like the guy he lives with is the hot sports car and I’m the comfy old station wagon. I just don’t what to do. I’m desperate! — Hurting Badly, Downtown

Dear Hurting: This guy you adore has a major flaw — a mean streak.

Fast forward 10 years, and imagine you have stayed close with him as his intimate platonic friend.

You would be so downtrodden by then — tired and unloved and underappreciated, even as a friend, and lonely at home with no affection or sex life.

He may be with the same guy or have gone through a few more as sexual-relationship buddies.

Your problem right now is not having any choices. To even things out, you need to expand your friendships. You need to partially pull away from this smart aleck who thinks he can have two people and afford to demean the one who treats him with love.

It’s time to get involved with interest groups in the gay world of Winnipeg.

Join a gym and make an effort to spruce your look to attract a new guy.

It may stir up some jealousy in the friend who thinks he doesn’t want you, but don’t go running back to having him take up all your time.

Even if you stay exactly the same, he will miss you and try to get you to change back to serving his needs as a friend. He wants you for what he can’t get with his boyfriend.

He doesn’t want you physically and that’s a real problem.

You don’t have to look like a movie star to get him or any other boyfriend, but the hard reality is part of a love relationship is sexual and being reasonably fit with a nice haircut and clothes goes a long way to attracting someone for a full relationship, with both love and sexual intimacy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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