She didn’t see signs during holiday fling

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/04/2018 (3110 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a blind American man on holiday and we had a wonderful romance. Then, when we were leaving, he said he wouldn’t be giving me his home address because he had a partner back home.

I told him I didn’t realize he had a girlfriend, and he said it wasn’t a woman, but a man. (We didn’t really talk about our relationships at home, but I assumed he was single, like me.)

I asked him why he would be with me, obviously a woman, and he said he was bisexual and sometimes likes to be with women even though his partner is his main love and they live together.

I continued asking him questions about his relationship, including what his partner does when they are apart. Apparently, the other guy goes to Europe and does whatever he wants, but they don’t talk about it because they have an open relationship. 

I’m in such a mix-up I can’t speak. I had a great time, but this truth-telling at the end spoiled it for me. I’m a single woman, and I thought it was something that I was with a blind man. Now I’m shocked about the open marriage thing and insulted about his keeping his address secret from me. I just don’t know what to think. Please help! I’m really upset.

— Messed My Mind, Osborne Village

Dear Messed My Mind: Just try to digest your thoughts a bit at a time, one by one. You can hurry the process by asking yourself this: 1) Were you feeling kind of liberal and generous that you were having a romance with a blind man? 2) And if so, is that what made it so hard to accept his surprising truths and limitations for you?

Face it: in the end, his blindness was not such a big deal compared to his unconventional sex life and secret open marriage. You’re a single woman, you’re straight and you may have no one at home and were hoping to see more of this guy, but now you’ve officially been denied contact information.

You’re miffed. This guy has a lot of nerve! Here you thought you were the one who was being liberal and generous and now you have to swallow this additional stuff? Of all the nerve! (I’m teasing you, of course, hoping one day you can see the humour here and laugh at yourself.)

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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