Devolution of social skills could be sign of bigger problem

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This article was published 27/04/2018 (3038 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hope you can offer me some advice for a problem that has been growing steadily worse. My husband of many years is a sweet, kind, funny man. He’s also very sociable. But his table manners (which used to be very good) are now so atrocious I’m embarrassed for him. Not only does he talk with his mouth full, he shovels in the next bite before he’s chewed or swallowed, and the mashed mess is there for all to see! And even worse, sometimes food falls out of his mouth.

We used to go out to eat with friends or have dinner parties, but we don’t anymore as I’m ashamed of his lack of basic manners. We are invited to a wedding this month, so any advice or suggestion you might have would be greatly appreciated.

— Sincerely, His Wife, Manitoba

Dear His Wife: Can you look back to when he started losing his table manners? Is he losing other types of manners, too, such as blurting out less-than-sensitive remarks: things he might think, but no longer be able to keep from saying?

As part of the Alzheimer’s on-set, people can lose their social skills, including table manners. It’s worth checking on because he was never like this before. Call his doctor about this and then get him in, on any excuse, such as some kind of checkup request from the office.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My friend and I were discussing your response to Burning with Fury (the woman who found out her boyfriend was sneaking over to the room of the other couple on their holiday for morning threesomes). You suggested she should have asked a lot more questions about sex early on in the relationship, before he would hide his sexual tastes and activities. My friend had a foolproof checklist for potential mates, having gone through a previous bad relationship. We thought she had met Mr. Wonderful when he talked about sharing the same values as she did.

It wasn’t until they got married that his pretense faded away. He claimed he wanted her so badly he went along with her values. He called them little white lies and thought she should be less sensitive and just get over it all. She lasted about 10 years and decided she wouldn’t waste more time on someone she just couldn’t trust and was disrespectful.

It’s mind-boggling that even older people would lie to get someone. Do they not realize that if they don’t share the same values and start off with lies the compatibility factor will be an issue? It’s not like they were 16 and just learning. We don’t get it!

— Using Checklist With Eyes Wide Open

Dear Using Checklist With Eyes Wide Open: Why did she give the guy 10 years of her life after she discovered he was a liar and they really didn’t share the same values? He mocked her when she found out!

There’s a second problem here: she was too proud to do something about it when she knew she made another mistake. She must think the act of marriage is more important than honouring herself. She could have given him maybe 10 months maximum, and said adios. To friends, she could have said: “This was not the man I thought I was marrying. He knowingly deceived me and I won’t stay and honour this liar.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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