Wife’s TV bingeing leaves husband cringing

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This article was published 02/06/2018 (3037 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is a TV addict. She has so many programs she loves to watch in real time and has hundreds more saved. She likes nothing more than to binge-watch a series, with me beside her. Kill me now! She doesn’t want me to talk and interrupt the flow of conversation between characters on the damn screen.

Lately, she’s gotten into retro cartoons as well. It has gotten so the TVs are always on, almost 24 hours a day. I feel pushed away, like she wants me in the house, but completely silent. She doesn’t work, so she can cook and clean while still watching TV all over the house.

What is a marriage if there’s no sex, no fun, no companionship, no going out together? Even if I were just her roommate, I’d be annoyed and move to a co-op house where it would be more fun. I used to live in one — more social interaction, joking around, talking about things in the news, parties.

Our children are grown and gone now. I feel like I’m in a dead marriage with an addict for a partner. We had our kids young, so I’m still in my 40s. It’s lonely in this house when we’re both home and she’s staring at a screen and reacting to those people. When she laughs, it’s with them; when she’s sad, it’s for them. Please help.

— Unnecessary Husband, Windsor Park

Dear Unnecessary Husband: Television can be an addiction as much as endless computer gaming, VLTs, betting on the horses, booze, porn and drugs. So what is a marriage when you come right down to it? It’s choosing to link up with someone, promising your best love and attention and spending time together. Not every single minute, but this is definitely your preferred partner, not an electronic appliance like a TV screen.

People who have a healthy marriage often enjoy hobbies together or run marathon races, cook together, go golfing, walk in nature, enjoy lake life or travel the world. They are experiencing the joy of someone they love doing things together with them and feeling inspired to show love and affection as a natural outgrowth of those warm feelings.

Your wife needs a shock. Tell her you have run out of patience and request that she join you for marriage counselling. That will startle her. Right now, she’s thinks this behaviour is normal, you’re a whiner and she’s enjoying herself. She’s not enjoying you particularly, but you do pay the bills and isn’t that handy when she’s not working?

She’ll have to realize her marriage is in serious trouble and react to your requests. Or not. Be warned: she may tell you to go fly a kite — and you may decide you really want to do that. If that’s the case, ask her seriously if she would like to see her lawyer about a possible separation, and you see yours.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is so embarrassing. I told my online lover I was 38 and petite with dark hair and the only thing that was true was the dark hair, and it’s actually dyed. I used a partial face shot and lots of black hair. I’m 51 and 55 pounds overweight.

He lives in Saskatchewan and I had no idea he would make a surprise visit to my workplace to take me out for lunch. This tall, good-looking guy in his 30s shows up at the front desk and asks for me. I ended up alone with him in the lobby and I said, “OK, I lied a lot. I thought you were so attractive and it would just be an online thing.” He said, “I see you lied, lady” and then he gamely said, “Well, I’m here. Want to go to lunch anyway?” We went, but it was a flop.

I know I don’t have a chance with him anymore but I still wonder if I should write him a letter of apology. I lied about other things as well, like athletic interests and being a good dancer. I never thought I’d see the guy in real life. What should I do at this point?

— Big Fat Liar, St. James

Dear Big Fat Liar: At this point, just let it go. He has seen that you were creating a fantasy woman for your online men and he got taken in. He doesn’t need any more reminders of that. Just let this be a lesson to you that people are mobile these days and can drive or fly quickly to see you. A curious online infatuation might just want to do that. Who can blame them? It’s a bad idea to play with people and tell them lies. How can they ever trust you after that?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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