Open relationship requires open discussion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/06/2018 (2752 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m living with a free man and I’m a free woman. We don’t believe in monogamy. We used to bring other people into our sex lives, clear that it’s only each other we love. But recently, something weird has been going on. My live-in has grown disinterested in sex with me.

Then I found a new guy — a wonderful guy — and I’m not talking about him or bringing him home for playtime. I’m keeping it a secret, and want him to be all mine. It’s not a game for him, either. Last weekend, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend for me. I had no words. Embarrassing! Please help me. I’m not ready.

— Messy Relationships, Winnipeg

Dear Messy: Just because the new guy ended his other relationship doesn’t mean you have to make a move. “I’m not ready” is your truth, so speak it. You might want to talk to the man in your primary relationship about his feelings on the state of your union. Perhaps things have changed for him, and he isn’t telling you either. Keeping secrets is a bad sign in an any relationship — the beginning of the end of true emotional intimacy — so time to start talking.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing in response to Rock and a Hard Place. Run as fast as you can from this lecher. You deserve better. This man is a sexual predator. (Readers: Rock and a Hard Place met a guy on the bus several times, thought it was fate, went for coffee, and he asked her to be his mistress. She’s not ready to punt him, so I told her to give it a little time to watch and learn).

Shortly after I became single, I was discussing online dating with a friend, while in line at the local Starbucks. A gent behind us was listening intently. Then I noticed he was there frequently when I was; I usually went at the same time every morning.

He approached me and gave me a card with his number. We later met for coffee. I was flattered by his interest as I hadn’t dated for quite some time and was unsure about my desirability.

Then I got the line, “I’m married… but my wife doesn’t love me… we’re married in name only… there’s no relations between us… “ blah, blah, blah. So he expected me to become his mistress. Thankfully, I value myself more than that, and I value his wife more than that. She deserves better than to have this Lothario chasing every vulnerable woman around town.

I’ve since seen him with other women my age and body type. He knows his targets very, very well.

— J.C.

Dear J.C.: Yes, there are certainly sexual predators out there. There are also married men who want a mistress because they no longer have a sexual relationship with their wife, and have children and don’t feel they can leave them. Or they do have sex with their wives but desire novelty and secret romance. They’re cheating, but not necessarily sexual predators.

Still, one has to wonder if this isn’t the same guy in both cases, on his way home from working the coffee shop scam and seeing an opportunity on the bus.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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