It’s true — honesty is the best policy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/10/2018 (2553 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found something sparkling in the grass — a beautiful piece of jewelry. OK, it’s an engagement ring. I brought it home and showed my husband, and he said, “Go to the police! Someone will be upset and looking for that.” I said, “No! Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

He looked at me for a long time and said, “Let me see that!” and put it in his pocket. “I’m going to do what’s right,” he said. “You can help or be a hindrance, but you’re not wearing someone’s engagement ring around this town, because it’s plain dishonest.”

He did find the owner within a week, and now he’s mad at me. What’s his problem?

— Minus My Find, southern Manitoba

Dear Minus: The bottom line is that diamond ring wasn’t yours in the first place. It was valuable and meaningful to some other couple. By the way, the old saying you quoted to justify yourself is as wrong as another old children’s chant: “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Not true, but so often repeated that some people have internalized it as the truth.

Perhaps you didn’t want to hunt for the owner of this expensive jewel, but you needed to do it for your husband to respect trust you. That’s the problem he’s having with you now. He’s not impressed with your morality and behaviour, and you’re not sorry. You need to talk to a third party known to be honest and have a big discussion about why it was wrong to try to keep this found item because you still don’t get it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-husband is trying to make a comeback now that he’s moved back to the city and he’s 60 pounds thinner. He wants back into my life, my heart and my bed. I don’t want him back, fat or slim. It’s true I threw him out because he was such a big pig — always eating and drinking so much beer, and often out of work because he was hungover and couldn’t get out of bed on time.

To be truthful, he was a lousy, lazy lover and he didn’t look remotely like the man I married. I kicked him out finally, and told him to lose my phone number and not to come by ever again! I bought the house and gave him his fair share of money. We have no kids, so there’s no need for him to come around.

He disappeared off the planet for six months. No one knew where he went, and he worried his parents sick. Last night, he arrived at my door like a ghost from the past, and I told him to get lost. He said he wouldn’t and he would win me back. He was quiet, but still he pushed his way in and invaded my privacy. I am nervous living alone now. What should I do?

— Worried By A Living Ghost, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: Hire a lawyer to write him a formal, stiffly worded letter and tell him you want him off your property for good and to stop contacting you or you will take legal measures. That way, he knows you are serious. Other people in the legal world know what he did, and no amount of sweet-talking is going to help his cause. You might want to get a roommate this year, a large dog and security system, and a fence if you don’t already have one.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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