Social isolation a risk as we age

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/12/2018 (2511 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Hi! I guess I’m old — 79 come February. My wife passed in 2013 after six months in the hospital. We had been together for 49 years. Life without her was hollow and empty. I had been her caregiver for some time before she collapsed and needed intensive care.

On advice from a friend, I visited Good Neighbours Active Living Centre (720 Henderson Hwy.) for a look-see. I looked over their list of programs and felt they had to have something that would interest me.

I was soon volunteering, helping set up tables and chairs for events.

Long story short, it became my new home. I’m on several committees and on the board of directors. I have an entirely new life and dozens of new friends and acquaintances. I feel useful and, more importantly, needed.

Many members have told me that Good Neighbours has been their lifeline — where they meet friends and participate in programs — whatever suits them. Many join our volunteer ranks. Many come with canes or walkers and a few in wheelchairs.

Good Neighbours has several outreach programs where we try to help seniors with meal programs, assistance to get to appointments and so on. We run a resource-finder program to help seniors find the resources they need to remain independent. We have a home-maintenance program where seniors can contact a list of contractors who have been screened for help with minor repairs and maintenance.

As we age, social isolation is probably our worst enemy. Looking back, I realize that while my wife’s health was deteriorating, I became isolated while looking after her needs.

I read the Free Press online every day and make sure to do the crossword to help keep an active mind. I never miss the comics page, because there is always one panel that makes me think or gives me a giggle.

My life is good because I have rejoined society and found a place that needs me as much as I need it.

Your advice to people to get off the couch and get involved is spot on. You find yourself fussing to look presentable and brushing up on manners — much of which slides if you are isolated.

— Happy Off That Couch, Winnipeg

Dear Happy: Too many older people are bored, isolated and understandably lonely. Thanks for your warm and informative letter. The story of your new lease on life is important.

For more information about the Good Neighbours Active Living Centre, readers can visit gnalc.ca or call 204-669-1710.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a man who doesn’t know it. He works in the building next to mine on Broadway. I was seeing him every day and flirting in the early fall when people still had lunch outside, but I have been missing him badly since it got cold.

Then I got this bright idea of hunting him down. I started bringing lunch and then going to this building where they have a public lunchroom. I went with friends and alone several days a week and finally ran into him! He started joining me for lunch, even when I’m alone, but he still hasn’t asked me out.

I know he’s a bit shy. I’m crazy about the man and dying to get him to myself. How do I approach him?

I was thinking of giving him a note, but my best friend says notes are creepy. What would work better then?

— Dying To Ask Him Out, Broadway

Dear Dying: Start getting there a few minutes late and pull up a chair beside his. Touch his back in a friendly, casual way as you sit down. Other times, sit across from him and make eye contact. Mention things you’re doing and then watch to see what seems to pique his interest.

One day, when you two are alone, ask him casually if he would like to join you for a such-and-such concert/movie/new restaurant.

If he’s interested, he’ll say yes. If he says no, he’s got somebody else he’s seeing, or he’s busy or just not interested. Ouch! I know that would hurt after all this time, but you need to know.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography