My boyfriend refuses to leave his wife, family

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This article was published 10/03/2019 (2434 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend seems like the answer to my prayers, except he’s still living with his wife. They don’t get along and he and I are in love. We were childhood sweethearts and found each other again online. He says he wants to leave his wife, and then he doesn’t. He says it’s “OK” living with her, but not great, and that it would upset their kids if he left. The “kids” are in their mid-20s. His wife is such a great cook and baker, it’s like living in a five-star restaurant for them. No wonder nobody wants to leave the house! She calls my guy a “useless dud” because his work is off and on. She swears at him and doesn’t want to sleep with him, so he has his own room now. Why doesn’t he leave?

— Wanting Him With Me, Brandon

Dear Wanting Him: That’s the big question many a lover asks of the married object of their affections. Sometimes — and I hate to say this — they’ve got everything they could want, between the family at home and a clandestine lover on the side. Many people enjoy the cloak-and-dagger aspect of sneaking around town. If he declares his love for you and moves out, the whole family will be angry and upset and the kids may turn their backs on him.

Then he’s only got you — and maybe he doesn’t want to get married again. He may have been crazy about his wife in the beginning and not trust his feelings to change in another marriage.

He may want to move when the sons leave and there’s just the two of them left in the house. Will you still be in the picture? It could be a very long time before he’s ready for a second marriage. Look, the truth is if he were mad crazy about you, he’d have left his family already.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom is an idiot, but she’s the only mother I’ve got. She tells me what to do and my dad backs her up. I feel like they think I’m seven rather than 17.

I can’t even take girls to my bedroom and shut the door and we don’t have a room in the basement for any privacy. I think they should at least build some kind of TV room there. My girlfriend and I always have to go over to her parents’ house to make out.

Also, in six months we’ll be separated because she’s going away to university. I’d like to go with her but she doesn’t seem excited about that idea. So what’s the point of even caring about her?

— Depressed About My Life, River Heights

Dear Depressed: The last thing you need right now is an available bedroom and a pregnant girlfriend. She’s going away in half a year and she doesn’t seem to want to take you with her.

That could change once she’s actually left home. Half the kids are lonely when they go away to university their first year, so your girlfriend may feel different about you joining her after a few months have passed.

Are you planning to go to college too? If so, next year could be the start of a whole new happy chapter for the two of you as a couple.

Ask yourself this: do I really want to get tied down at this age to the first girl I knew intimately? The answer, if it’s a no, might help you to get some perspective, and accept her impending departure. You might not want to continue with her on such an intense level. Once you’re apart, you may find your interest in her — and your interests in general — changing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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