Fight silent treatment with talk, counselling

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This article was published 19/03/2019 (2426 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home from work early and caught my teenage daughter and her friend watching something X-rated online — really filthy, nasty stuff.

I told them to shut it off, and my daughter sassed me in front of her friend. She said, “everybody in school watches this stuff” and told me to “lighten up” before threatening to move in with her dad.

I told her she was staying right here and that her friend had to leave. She put on her jacket with her friend and they went right out the door.

I phoned the other girl’s parents 30 minutes later and found out she was staying there for the night. “But that’s it!” said the girl’s mother, who advised me to “loosen up.”

I called my ex-husband and he said not to worry, he didn’t want our daughter living with him as he has a new girlfriend and enough bills to pay.

So today she’s home again, sulking in her room and not talking to me. What do you do when someone’s not talking under the same roof? — Silence is Deafening, River Heights

Dear Silence: Don’t buy into the Silent War. Put some music on to ease the tension and keep talking to her as if she’s answering and not giving you the silent treatment.

Don’t show any tension on your face. Invite your friends over. Maintain your regular routine. Advise the counsellors at her school what’s going on and see if she’s been skipping classes.

If she repeats her threat to move in with Dad, tell her the two of you talked and he can’t afford to keep her.

Finally, suggest counselling so you can both get your complaints out on the table. Suggest the school counsellor, who’s free.

Of course, we both know your daughter isn’t going to want to talk to a counsellor about watching porn. And face it, it’s really not a deal-breaker these days for living at home.

But you should tell her in detail why you think pornography — at least the kind she was watching — is not healthy and why you don’t want it around the house.

After awhile, she’ll start talking again, especially if you put words in her mouth she doesn’t agree with. Nothing is more annoying than someone guessing wrongly what you think — and then having the nerve to reply to it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m attracted to a girl at university who everyone else thinks is a bigmouth. I like her big mouth! I just don’t know if she’s attracted to guys or not.

She acts kind of masculine and dresses that way, too. How do I find out her true sexuality? How can I ask her outright, without getting slapped down? — Just Got To Know, St. Boniface

Dear Got To Know: Befriend her and see if she tells you on her own after a few chats. If she’s only into women, you can continue to be friends since you like the bold way she talks and what she has to say. That could be the basis for a candid (and fun) friendship.

If she’s attracted to guys, you might ask her outright if she’s attracted to you. Since she’s such a straight-shooting bigmouth, she’ll tell you the truth right to your face.

Good luck and let us know what happens. By the way, your friends’ opinions are not at all important on this issue.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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