She’s dropped drugs, but she’s still a user

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/03/2019 (2750 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last week I ran into an old drug-addicted girlfriend of mine at the mall and I hardly recognized her — beautiful figure, clear skin, long red hair, nice outfit and holding onto some clown’s hand. He looked so pleased with himself, it made me sick.

He held onto her by the waist tightly when she stopped to acknowledge me and twiddled her hair in his hand. She couldn’t just walk on by because we were together for four crazy years during university. I mentioned how well she was looking and she said, “Nothing like having a good man!” That cut through me like a knife.

I did everything to please her when she was with me, but she loved her drugs in a big way and cheated on me left and right, always blaming it on her impaired brain.

I lost it and took off. The next night she was on the phone asking me what I thought of her new boyfriend. I told her to get lost (in worse language than that), but she phoned again hours later, crying and apologizing “for hurting me so much.”

If she’s so happy with him, why is she calling me looking for approval? She is begging me to meet her, just to talk. She is up to no good and I used to find her impossible to resist. She almost drove me over the edge when we were together.

Now she looks 10 times better and I just want to get my hands on her. That’s not very nice of me, but the recent memory of that guy with his hands all over her makes me want to show her I’m better than him.

My sister says I’m as sick as she is. What should I do?

— Messed Up In Own Way, Tuxedo

Dear Messed Up: Sick relationship behaviour is often about manipulation, and she wants you to want her desperately, just like you used to.

Just like an addiction, you need to stay far away from her. Block her on your phone and computer and have nothing to do with her. She may be off the drugs, but her insecurity and manipulative ways are still with her. It’s not about love or friendship. It’s about her ego and her need for control. Speaking of control, your desire to possess her body is your own ego competing with the new guy.

Since you’re in danger of being sucked in, see a psychologist or a psychiatrist. This woman brought you to the brink once before; she might do it again if you’re not vigilant.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend wants to go on a last-minute trip to the Caribbean with his buddies before the season is over and it gets too hot. He didn’t ask me to go with him. We’re almost engaged (he asked me what style of wedding ring I would like).

I feel like flying down there to spy on him! I don’t know what kind of husband he will make if he wants to do this kind of beach trip, which would make any woman feel insecure and unloved. Golfing with the guys? Maybe. But bikini babes and tropical drinks by the ocean? I don’t trust him. What do you think?

— I’m Not Enough? Charleswood

Dear Not Enough: Wouldn’t it be humiliating if you snuck down there to spy on him and got caught? There’s no need to go that route. Let’s talk turkey. It takes a certain kind of guy to go on a guys-only trip to a party place which can only involve sex if he finds a willing new babe. And you can bet everybody will be drinking a lot and the usual self-control, if he has any, won’t be at the same level as it is at home. If you already feel you can’t trust him on this kind of trip, he’s not the guy you should marry.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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