Relations turn frosty after hot-tub invite

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/03/2019 (2752 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We have just installed a hot tub in the adult playhouse in our backyard. We invited the new neighbours we befriended at Christmas over for a dip, and told them to jump in while we got drinks and food ready to bring out.

When we came out, we didn’t notice anything except bare shoulders, until the man stood up and he wasn’t wearing anything. I looked at my husband. He gulped. A few minutes later, the guy’s wife reached up for a drink and she was naked, too — and built.

About five awkward minutes later, I made the excuse I was cold and went in the house and my husband came in very shortly after me. We didn’t go back out. Finally, the guests came in, wrapped in towels and said grimly, “Thanks for the swim,” and went home.

We haven’t seen them since and it’s a shame, because they seemed like nice, friendly people. How should we treat them when the snow thaws and we keep seeing them in the adjoining yard, with no hedges.

— Uncomfortable as Nudists, Southdale

Dear Non-Nudists: This is the wonderful thing about being a polite Canadian. You can be pleasant and nice and you don’t have to say anything about the failed hot-tub experiment. They thought one thing, and you thought another.

Look, it’s possible they may have just thought everybody goes nude in hot tubs — or they may have thought you were inviting them for group sex. They may have thought getting naked and/or having a romp was exactly what you wanted from them and perhaps they’ve had some jolly experiences with that.

Don’t embarrass yourselves trying to explain your reaction or talk about it. Just go on being friendly and polite. The chance for a regular friendship may be gone. They will have realized you were shocked at finding them naked, and that’s why you ran away. Don’t worry about it. They probably have friends of their own who like to mix and mingle with no clothes in the way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A good-looking platonic friend told me he’d been invited to a friend’s resort in the Caribbean, and he didn’t want to go alone. His buddy told him he’d give him two fancy huts next door to each other at the resort, as it will be the end of season and the place won’t be full. My pal doesn’t want to go alone and feel like a third wheel everywhere he goes, so he invited me.

I said, “I don’t have sex with guys who are just my pals!” He said that was fine with him, but if we met someone else there, we’d be free to take them to our own places. I told him no deal. Now I wonder if I am an idiot to give up a free trip to a beautiful place with a friend.

— Suspecting I’m An Idiot River Heights

Dear Suspecting: You just dodged a situation that could have been very uncomfortable. With a cold deal to dump each other, if you found something better, there’s a good chance somebody would spend most of the trip all alone. There’s a reason people either go as a definite single or as a couple. Rarely do you see a male and female platonic couple at a romantic resort together, hoping for hot times separately, but hanging out together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was out drinking with my girlfriend last night, when all of a sudden she tried to climb up on the bar to dance. I told her to smarten up, as the bouncers were looking, but she went ahead anyway. I picked her up and carried her out over my shoulder, kicking and screaming all the way. The bouncers held the door and thanked me as we left.

Now my girlfriend is sober, and she’s angry at me for treating her “like a sack of potatoes.” I told her she was a terrible drunk and she’s lucky I took her out before the bouncers kicked her out. She says she’s only going to the bar with her girlfriends from now on so she can get as drunk and rowdy as she wants. Do you think I should dump her? Does she have a drinking problem? I’m half in love with her.

— So Sick of Her Nonsense, St. James

Dear Sick: She has an immaturity problem and poor judgment, that’s for sure. Whether she’s an alcoholic or on her way to becoming one, I couldn’t say without more evidence. But it’s clear you need to dissociate yourself from this little spitfire. Life’s too short to waste time waiting for her to grow up.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography