Don’t cry over spilled milk, take action

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/04/2019 (2729 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son is lactose intolerant and the kids at school, for whatever reason, think it’s hilarious that he’s afraid of milk. They won’t stop bothering him, and it got to the point recently where a kid poured chocolate milk on him at lunch. I should add they bullied him before they found out about the lactose thing, but this is their new focus. Any ideas for me?

— Concerned Mama Bear, South East Winnipeg

Dear Mama Bear: Since bullying is at the root of this, you need to talk to a school counsellor about what’s going on. You’re not at school to see the humiliation happening, but teachers and guidance counsellors are able to watch, once they’re tipped off.

They have methods for stopping bullying, but they don’t work all the time.

If that’s the case, talk to your child about moving schools next fall. Sometimes a kid just has to be removed from a miserable situation which won’t allow him to learn anything at school — because he’s so afraid of what will happen at recess or on the walk home.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What is the best way to tell someone you have a major crush on them? I’ve been infatuated with a woman at my gym for about two years. She and her stupid racist boyfriend broke up because that idiot doesn’t want to associate with her non-white family.

I see her every day sitting on the machines beside me. I know her as a friend now and we often take breaks together. I feel like this is my chance to make a move and I should hurry. I’m worried that muscle-bound ape will smarten up, realize what he’s missing, and be willing to associate with her family.

I don’t want to miss my chance, but I also don’t want to move too fast and fall hard, and then have her tell me that racist jerk is regretting his behaviour — and she’s taking him back. Also, if she isn’t into it, does that make things weird at the gym and she won’t talk to me anymore?

—Itching to Ask Her Out, Weston

Dear Itching: Before you ask her out, she needs to be assured there’s no penalty in terms of friendship if she says no.

Tell her that since she’s free now, you thought it might be all right to ask her out to do something fun together. Do not tell her you’ve been crazy about her for two years while watching her work out and befriending her — she might find that creepy.

Let her think you’re a popular enough guy you might have a social life and the idea just came to you. And, have some suggestion ready — something casual where you can talk and yet there’s entertainment. Every week there are now at least 20 open mics operating in bars for people who are into comedy and music — singing, playing or both. The price to get in is usually nothing at all, or the purchase of a drink.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend hinted more than once she wanted to have a threesome, but I’m getting the vibe she’s really more interested in experiencing a woman in a sexual experience, than having me there.

I know the girl she’s interested in adding into our bed, but she knows I don’t find her attractive, or really like her at all as a person. I may not like her, but I also don’t want to turn off my girlfriend from future threesomes with people I might actually be attracted to.

I also worry that if we do this, my girlfriend may realize she prefers women altogether. I’ve secretly wondered if that was the case, and I’m the last guy who will ever date her before she crosses over. My mind is doing backflips. Please help!

— Uncomfortable is Putting it Lightly, University of Manitoba

Dear Uncomfortable: Ask her some questions without seeming particularly attached to the answers. Ask her casually if it’d be all right if you chose the woman for your first threesome. Try to find out if your girlfriend’s fantasizing “you two as a couple” entertaining this new person. Or, is she more interested in running the experiment with the woman of her dreams, and she just wants you more or less in the background.

By the way, if this is something you want to try too, remember you also need to be open-minded, and not just shoot down each candidate your girlfriend puts forward.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel lost. I just broke up with my boyfriend of eight years and I’ll be honest, he’s the only person I’ve ever been with. We just split up as the past two years have been rough with his drinking and drugs. But now that I’m single, I don’t feel free. I feel scared.

While all my close friends tell me they’re excited for me, I can’t help but wonder what I’ve got myself into. All these new dating apps seem strange and I feel like I don’t really know what to say to some random guy who is interested in me. Am I blowing things out of proportion? Where do I even start? — Scared and Single, West End

Dear Scared and Single: What worries you most? Are you worried you aren’t fit to date someone else just because your experience is just with one person? Think about it this way… you were dating one person and got to know them in depth in many ways, and may have learned more than someone who casually dates around.

Instead of casting your net for a person you don’t know online, start by joining a number of activities, sports, charities or causes, so you can meet people naturally. Flirt with the people you naturally find yourself liking and then gather your courage and ask them out to do something with you. Take some control in this area, for the first time in your life.

Look at it as a big experiment. Because you feel you’re behind in numbers, tell yourself you’re going to date 20 guys this year and see what you can learn. And, don’t feel pressure to sleep with people in this experiment unless you’ve seen someone a lot and really like and trust him.

Also, don’t be afraid to try dating someone who is very different from your ex. You may just find what you were missing. Take control and have some fun with this!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.