Stop being narcissist’s cheerleader

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This article was published 22/04/2019 (2714 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I live with a narcissist who never takes responsibility for anything, especially when he hurts my feelings. If I ever tell him his behaviour is bothering me, he gets super defensive and accuses me of being unreasonable. Well, guess what? When you tell your friends personal things about our sex life, I am going to be pissed! He’s also the kind of guy who loves telling everyone what their problems are, and acts shocked when they don’t react well.

It doesn’t stop there. He complains I don’t buy him enough gifts or pay for enough things, but he doesn’t do any of that himself. He just pays his half of the rent, then either saves his money for big things or just spends it all right away. Here’s the kicker: I love this guy. He’s fun to be with in public, he’s charismatic and he’s also great in bed. Some days I feel like I’m in love with a star, but I’m…

— Craving Compassion, St. Vital

Dear Craving: He’s a star and you’re a cheerleader. You two are matched as long as you continue to play your role. Bad news: he isn’t about to change because he thinks he’s perfect. Any problems with his behaviour must be your problem, or so he thinks.

The trouble is his lack of generosity and love are starting to wear on you and hurting more and more. Bragging about your sex life is very rude, and embarrassing, even for the listeners.

Look around! There are men in the world who are fun, good-looking, great lovers and automatically pay their way. Accept that you want a partner, possibly from the arts world, but this guy is too selfish. You have to decide whether you want to be his servant and financial safety net, or move on and look for someone who is not so self-centred.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an extraordinarily small nose and my new boyfriend thinks it’s really cute, but last week he started calling me Piglet. I laughed, but deep inside it really hurt. Some of the kids at school used to tease me about my “pig nose” and say they could see up it. I can’t take that ever again! I didn’t say anything to my boyfriend and I didn’t cry. But it hurts enough that I’m thinking of saying goodbye.

— No More “Piglet,” Winnipeg

Dear No More: Explain it to him this way: if he had a really small body part that he was embarrassed about, how would he feel if you gave it a nickname? Right now he thinks “Piglet” is cute; tell him what the kids at school used to say and you won’t hear “Piglet” from his mouth ever again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just read your response to Cat Daddy, the man who loves his cat and is dating a woman who is very allergic to them.

I once knew a fellow who fell in love with a fantastic woman. He was the one who was highly allergic to cats. His girlfriend had cats and that was not going to change. So he built an addition onto their home for the cats, loaded with scratching posts, tunnels and other fun diversions.

This compromise made it possible for her to keep her cats and have a life together with her love.

— Another Cat Lover

Dear Cat Lover: The man who called himself Cat Daddy was not really in love with the woman who can’t live with cats. But he is a man who seriously loves furry creatures as pets in his life. Your suggestion would work for someone who was already madly in love with a person who’s allergic to cats and determined to live together. Building an addition costs a lot of money and the best the cat lover can do to interact with the cats is to visit them in the sealed-off portion of the house.

It’s really best if two animal lovers can find each other as their lives are doubly rich with their pets roaming and enjoying their home with them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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