Douse crush before marriage ends up in flames

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This article was published 26/04/2019 (2711 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve had a crush on my wife’s best friend since our wedding. She was maid of honour and something just clicked that day. I’ve always been good and never tried to do anything with her, but I am guilty of inviting her over a lot for group dinners and other things.

Recently, my brother started dating her, and it’s driving me up the wall. I guess technically I shouldn’t be upset, but if I can’t be with her, I certainly don’t want him to be.

I love my wife and I don’t ever want to get a divorce, but this friend of hers is the No. 1 star of my dreams at night. I just can’t help the way I feel. How can I get my brother to stop dating her without raising any eyebrows?

— Jealous Brother, Winnipeg

Dear Jealous: First off, don’t talk to your brother or wife. Second, stop inviting this woman over just for the sake of seeing her. Your brother is going to be right there with his hands on her and it will drive you nuts.

If you love your wife as much as you say you do, you owe it to her to end this fantasy. Accept the fact you won’t want to be as close with your brother and will not be inviting them over as a couple very often.

With luck, your feelings will die down once you diminish the amount of contact you have with her. If your brother really does like her, she may be around your family for a lot longer than you expect. You need to be able to be around her without letting your feelings get the best of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My family lives in a decent home in a rougher part of town. I’m a young mother with two kids: one is four and the other is 18 months. My husband works and I’m staying at home because the cost of daycare was more than I earned. My problem is this: there are a lot of gangs and other scary people in the neighbourhood, but at this rate, I don’t think we’ll ever afford a house anywhere else. I don’t want my kids to grow up into scared or scary people. What can I do?

— Looking for a Way Out, North End

Dear Looking: The biggest problem is the lack of a second income that can be earned from home. That’s why companies like Avon did so well — they answered the need you’re feeling as a stay-at-home parent. You may not be the type who wants to sell things from home, but if you are comfortable using a computer, there are tons of things you can do. Many of these things are easily self-learned from YouTube or other how-to sites. Some of these jobs include: light graphic design (posters, cards), secretarial work, tutoring kids online, teaching English as a second language, bookkeeping, copy-editing and transcribing. 

If that doesn’t appeal to you, you might want to try starting a home daycare (though it may require some extra study as well as licensing).

This could free you and your husband from a neighbourhood that makes you nervous. While you may want to go outside the home for work, that won’t be in the cards until your children are old enough to go to kindergarten. Meanwhile, they’ve had a loving person to look after them at home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend moved in with me six months ago and seemingly forgot her soap. When I asked her how she felt about body odour, she said she kind of likes the smell of my body odour. How could I tell her I didn’t feel the same way about hers?

I got home from work the other day and she had been working in the sun outside in the yard. When she came in, she reeked of perspiration and asked me if I wanted to jump in bed with her. I said, bluntly, “Not till you wash the stink off you.” She started to cry and things went from bad to worse.

Last night, she slept in the second bedroom. Today, she came home with a bag of deodorants and threw them on our bed.

I don’t see this getting better. Can you help ASAP?

— Hardly Speaking, Waverly Heights

Dear Hardly: Unfortunately, sometimes you have to tell the people you live closely with that they don’t smell good and it’s bothering you. Tell your girlfriend you understand that people often can’t smell their own odour because their nose grows accustomed to it.

In order to resurrect your love life, she has brought home the deodorant and thrown it angrily on the bed. You need to apologize for hurting her feelings and making her feel awkward. Thank her for buying some deodorant and tell her that you would appreciate it if she told you when she could smell your stinky feet or when your hair needs a wash.

Explain to her that when people live together, they freely tell each other if something smells off. They do this so the home is comfortable for everyone and people from school or work are not upset by disgusting smells.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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